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Posted by: Garfield | 2006/08/01

I have finally done it!!

Hi CS and anyone reading

Just thought I would share this with you since (in a way) although it has taken a long time, your help has influenced my decision.
CS, I know you get a lot of posts with different names, so just to summarise quickly and hopefully you will know who I am ... I am the one who has written in here a few times about an emotionally and few times physically abusive BF who I had difficulty in leaving and eventually began to question my own sense of right and wrong and even my sense of reality!

I have finally ended it, and this time HONESTLY I feel for good ... and you know, even though it is going to be difficult, I feel a glimmer of hope and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Ironically, it was not the abusiveness or the drinking that ended it .... it was the Pandora's box of the DREADED going through cell phones!!! (I hear a BIG groan coming from CS now!!!)

Well, actually I have gone through his phone whenever I have suddenly 'just had a feeeling' - it has been 4 times in the space of a year. And you know what? Each and everytime I went through it I would find something horrible said about me to a friend. Each time he would talk his way around itand make me feel like a moron for even thinking anything bad. The last 2 times he refused to deal with the issue at all, chosing rather to focus on how dispicable I was for doing it in the first place .... I had now lost all his trust and he can never forgive me for doing it and this relationship is obviously a pretend game to me etc etc.

Funnniest thing is, it worked for a while and I began grovelling for his forgiveness for not trusting him - never mind the stuff that I had found out about him. In a nutshell it then occurred to me that I have never gone through ANYONE ELS'S phone EVER - HONESTLY. And that I went through his phone when I (rightly) felt insecure. He goes through my phone in front of me and I have never minded as I really had nothing to hide. Also, when you are together with someone you shouldn't feel the need to go through their phone, BUT it shouldn't matter to them if you do. I have realised now that it really is a pandoras box, and I would forever be torturing myself with re-opening it. And, finally, also that my instinct was right.

So, there is my 'ray of light' from my own experience ... funny how it REALLY is the small things that matter hey? Thank you all for all your advice relating to him, I think it has definitely sunk into my sub conscience over the last few months and really helped me eventually to trust myself ... because what I feel may not be right for everyone else, but it is right for me!!!

So thank you, ... and maybe my little story will have hopefully helped others who are in a simlar position to find some strength

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Our expert says:
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Congratulations ! You deserve the confidence you are now placing in yourself. Enjoy your independence for a while, and don't rush into another relationship till you're really ready for it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: j-cat456 | 2006/08/02

Hey Garfield, well done! And good to see also that the strength and the realisation of what you needed to do came from within you. Which means that it was always there, just waiting for you to use it.
Delene is right tho, if you can, try going for some therapy. Cos there are going to be times in the short-term future where you doubt yourself, and where the need for someone warm to hold you gets overwhelming. And the last thing you need is to be drawn back under his heel because of those feelings.
And remember, any time of day or night, this forum is available, and by the time you've turned your thoughts into a sensible posting, you might find that you've answered your own questions already.
Go girl,
j

Reply to j-cat456
Posted by: anon | 2006/08/01

Well done Garfield, you deserve the best. You go girl!

Reply to anon
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/08/01

Thank you again everyone (Rose too especially as you have been a massive help!)

You may hear from me from time to time when things gets tough - but it will be for encouragement as I have finally found the strength to really move on!
xxx

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: **Rose** | 2006/08/01

GARFIELD - Well done Honey . . . I am SO PROUD of you !!!!

Sheesh, there isn't much I can say to you. You finally did what you had to do and although hard as it might be, you are a strong, mature and very smart woman.

Now you can start on the quest that will find you true love and a man that treats you the way you deserve to be !!!!!!

I am so happy and cannot express how extremely GLAD i am that you have come to this decision (you had me worried a couple of times).

Well done GIRL, Keep it up.
and if you ever need to talk, mail me

rose1747 at gmail dot com

i'm not on the forum much anymore but always check my mail.

Again - WELL DONE :o)

Reply to **Rose**
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/08/01

Wow Garfield. I see so much energy in your post. I can almost FEEL how relieved you are, and how much weight has been lifted from you. Well done on making that positive change and don't look back.

Yes, there will be some difficult times, but stay strong and remember the forum if you ever start only remembering the good times.

I'm happy for you.
Best wishes.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/08/01

Garfield, I'm glad you came to this decision. Already you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and although you will have sad moments, things will only get better.

Abusive people have this knack of making others feel paranoid - it's only when you're away from the situation that you realize the problem was never with you!

It's amazing how we grow through difficult times - how you've come to realize that you are doing what's right for YOU, even if it's not right for anybody else.

Stay strong and take care.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Delene | 2006/08/01

Garfield, i am very happy about your decision. getting rid of an abusive partner (or relationship) is very hard, but good for yourself.

Pls do yourself a favour & go for therapy. There will still be many issues caused by abuse you wont even know about now, but trust me, they surfuce again in the future and then its difficult to deal with.

Deal with everything NOW to heal yourself.

I wish you so much good things in the future, cuz you really deserve it!
xx

Reply to Delene

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