Posted by: In-laws-hater | 2008/06/18


Dear Shrink,

I am married to a wonderful man, but my-oh-my, I really did not know that I will be sooooo "married" to his whole family too!

Ok, my fault, when we got engaged, I moved in with him and his parents (THIS WAS ACTUALLY THE FIRST WARNING SIGN BUT I WAS SO STUPIDLY IN-LOVE), fine, everything went well, and after a year we moved out.

We got married, but six months down the line, he said that APPARENTLY his father is very sick and we have to move in with them again. So we bought a house together, a year went by (OF HELL) and finally after my husband saw that I was so unhappy, we got a way out and bought our own house, one catch, his sister (that completed school and does not want to work and met a boyfriend) has to stay with us......... I was very upset with this, but after a huge fight I gave in and said she can if she looks for work, which never happended. After a year of trying to make the best of it, eventhough I was unhappy and made my husband realise it every now and again, her parents moved back from wherever and I thought this was the perfect oppurtunity for "sis" to move out and go live by her parents, because we wanted to start a family. SHE refused and through a tantrum, and after my mum-in-law explained to my husband that blood is thicker than water, she remained in my house!!! Luckily, when I fell pregnant, my husband told her it's time to move out.

The thing is: I regret being married to my husband every day because he could and can never put me first, I just had to and have to accept everything and anything that has to do with his family.

I do love my husband, but as soon we start talking about his family, which we still see every week, every weekend (feels like every day!!!!) we end up fighting.....

I do not know how to handle this anymore.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

TO me, if the sister has finished schooling and is just too lazy and fussy to get a job, she does not deserve to be kept at someone else's expense and in their house. If she gets indulged this way, she may never get round to working, and become a chronic lay-about. Make sure your husband sticks with you on this one and warn madam that she is leaving, tantrum or not, and must plan because she won't be tolerated for long. Marriage is thicker than blood or water. Maybe see a marriage counsellor together for a few sessions to work out tactics for defending your relationship and not ober-indulging the family

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Our users say:
Posted by: T | 2008/06/18

i wasnt that keen on my in-laws either. i just made a concious decision to treat them with as much respect as i could muster. i did this not for my husband but for my kids. your regret at being married to your husband is not going to help you either. dont fight with him about what he cant change, the more you fight the more you look like the bad guy. you are going to drive him away. bite your tongue, i know its difficult. soon he will see that his parents arent all that. right now the continual fighting is driving him nuts. relax, sit back and see what happens. anyway thats what worked for me

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