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Question
Posted by: Second Chance | 2008/01/24

I forgave him!

I cant believe I forgave my bf after finding out that he cheated on me. I was devastated when I found out as
he is the most loving person I’ve ever met. He is so remorseful, guilty and ashamed and has begged me not to leave him.
We both worked so hard in this relationship and acquired so much together to just throw it away. I weighed the pros and cons, and decided to forgive him as we have both decided to attending counselling sessions and has approached his pastor where he has confessed in order for him to heal and be forgiven…He is just so ashamed, and I would like to know..Am I doing the right thing? I know there are no guarantees in life, but does he deserve another chance? I she doing all the “repair” work out of guilt? ..or is he being sincere? This is the first time it has happened…and hopefully the last. I need to heal myself from the betrayal, the humiliation, the disrespect..I need to forgive…for me to heal!

Worrying about, why he did it, when..etc etc..….(and we went over this countless times)…is just making me physically sick!
And I need to get my life back!. I want it back! I know it’s hard work ahead. ..but I’m ready to move on now. I need support!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There can be wisdom in the old policy of Forgive but don't forget, ( i.e. don't drop vigilance ) --- and if you both work hard in proper skilled therapy ( preferably NOT from a church source, but with someone properly trained and qualified ) things could work out. In the course of therapy / counselling you will have a better chance of discovering if he is being sincere or opportunistic. Good luck with the important work that lies ahead for both of you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/01/25

How do u forgive your b/f of 3yrs who has lied about been married all the time. I think that is even worse to digest.
That has happened to me, and finding it so hard to move on.
I suddenly find myself generalising men , becuase of this which i know is unfair. But how do i trust again.
To second chance i know what it feels like. When i found out
it felt like someone just put a dagger through my heart.

Reply to anon
Posted by: once bitten... | 2008/01/25

sure, if you love him take a chance, but I bet with time, he will do it again... I'm talking from experience.. I'm 60.

Reply to once bitten...
Posted by: Naloxone | 2008/01/24

Forgive is a easy word. But to take action and really forgive is a different thing. If you don’t make peace with it. Then it will always be in the back of you’re mind. Its time that you think about you’re self. And look deep and see what is best for you!! Go and see someone, He can be lucky that you are thinking about a 2nd chance.

Reply to Naloxone
Posted by: ff | 2008/01/24

Yes you did the right thing. People make mistakes. Work on reconciling your relationship before going for the usual advise - 'dump him he does not diserve you yada yada" - from people who do not practice what they preach. Give him an ultimatum though.

Reply to ff

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