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Posted by: demoralized | 2004/11/16

I feel so dead today

Hi, I am so down today, yesterday was my burthday and I really thought that it would be a special night at home but you know what as usual it went for a ball of shit!!!! my fiance is tired 99% of the time and the other 1 persent she is at work!!! I am giving up on this relationship, how much does one give and keep on giving and have to be satisfied with crums??? Lets understand one thing and this my be to good to believe but here goes, I also work and get a good salery so the house hold is run completely out of my budget, i also run the house hold because she is to tierd. I help the kid with his school work , I cook en clean and when she gets home she can sit down and eat, the house is alway clean and then I look after the house as well know the mans seposed job, I also study and gym so yes she has got nothing to do except to spend her salery. When I ask for some more intemisy she is tiered when I make advances shes to tired I sometimes think that I just dont do it for her anymore and that that is just a excuse not to be part of the relationship. I told her to go see a doc to find out what is going wrong but shes always to buzzy so ja seams she has energy for work but the rest -|- that!!! sorry for the swearing but I just dont know anymore!! I am jabbering so ja, enjoy your day!

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Our expert says:
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I understand your feeling a bit gloomy after a disappointing birthday. Sounds like you could be the sort of husband most woman would really like to find, and as i your wife is being unappreciative and non-participant in all the chores as well as the enjoyments of the home. Talk to her. Why is she finding this job so overwhelmingly tiring ? Most of us are tired after work, but not to the extent she seems to be, and you still manage to do so much more. Are there problems at work she should be dealing with differently ? Is she physically unwell, or maybe Depressed ? If she is, she needs a proper medical / psychological assessment and treatment. If not, and she is merely disinterested, then she should move out and run her own life, rather than leaving all the work and responsibilities to you.
Maybe counselling for both of you should be an option.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shazz | 2004/11/16

Shame man, you seem to be having a really tough time. Relationships are really difficult as everyone knows and cannot be taken lightly. What worries me is that she has already had an affair, maybe you are trying to make up for that instead of her. She is the one that made that mistake not you and yet you got back together with her, it takes a real man to do that.

I think that there are plenty of girls out there who would love to have a guy like toy for a partner. I am not saying drop your fiance, just take a look at the important things in life and put yourself first for a change. Remember, if there is a child involved in all of this, it is not good for that child, because that child will be scarred for life. Put yourself first and then sit down with her and tell her whats what and what must change.

Dont know if this helps, but if it doesnt, have a nice day anyways. Happy belated Birthday :)

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: Hurt | 2004/11/16

D..... Join the club, if I didn't know better I would think it's me in your postings. She doesn't know what she has and doesn't appreciate you. When she finally does if she does it will be to late. Wow ! here I was thinking there are no decent men out there......sorry guys ! no offense .... Just been hurt so badly! So I guess there is life after pain.......By the way Shaun I have read a couple of your replies and its nice to know that there are guys out there that can express themselves.

Reply to Hurt
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

She had the affair, ja you right think i must pull back and let things happen but its so difficult, i neerly lost her and feel i am on the vurge again, i also think just in case to start an affair just incase but will never not made up like that, hahahahaha wel thanks shane I feel better even if I just could talk and had someone aswering, thanks!!!

Reply to D
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Eehhh, who had the affair???

Also, are you not trying too hard in things you maybe think is the right thing to do. I mean, we can become so engrossed in thinking that we are doing everything the right way, like it should be, but we forget to actually see what the individual really wants. Hope you understand me here. Have you asked her what you are missing?
Nah, if its something you want, then its important to you, so I don't think you're complaining about nothing.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

Been toghether for 13 of which 10,5 married got devorced because of an affair an the got back toghether after some intevearince from above. But this can not be all there is man so meany woman complain about not having this and looks like she does not whant it wat am i missing??? If i put mu foot down lets not go there and when i am like this nothing happens I just dont now, mybe i complain about nothing

Reply to D
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey D,

Well it seems like you do almost everything for her already, and it looks to me it doesn't get any better than being with you. Also sorry to mention this, but it seems like maybe you are a bit too soft on her!?
You seem to be quite into her, & giving quite a bit of yourself already, is it not time you got back as well. How long have you guys been together, & how long living together.

Here's another suggestion: Why not print this whole posting out & let her see exactly what your thoughts are...???

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

Done that as well mona!!!! But ja no use complaining. Shaun I have consedered it but ja if she does have one why not just leave why try and destroy me. Well I hope not it will be like having open hart surgery with nou hart to transplant it will kill me!

Reply to D
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Sounds like you need a bit of excitement in your relationship, what about leaving the kids with friends and going away on a romantic weekend??

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey D,

Well now I'm really sorry about that dude. It does very well seem like she may need some help....

Unless... well, sorry to say this, but have you considered that she maybe having an affair so is therefore too tired for you???

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

HAHAHAHAHA sorry for laughing been there done that got the factory that makes the tee shirts!!! The candels geyts snuffed food gets eten goes to bed drinks a stilnox and sleep!!!!! But good one though!!! thanx for the sugetion!

Reply to D
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey D,

As you said, maybe there is a problem... Could I suggest, seeing as you seem to be doing the cooking, & you're at home before her, that you plan a really romantic evening. Make something thats favoured. Run a lekker bath. Have candles. As she comes home & does nothing anyway, wait for her at the door. Help take off her shoes. In the bath massage her feet. Anytime she objects to anything, say that you expect nothing, you just want to spoil her. Full body massage after bath. Flower petals on bed in candle-lit room. I mean really spoil her & expect nothing in return. One thing we guys often forget is that foreplay starts way before you even touch her...

If you pull out all the stops & nothing happens, then the next morning calmly suggest that she, or you both really need to see someone as your relationship is suffering for lack of attention & intimacy & you need this.

If it does happen, then the next morning calmly discuss with her how much you need this type of intimacy in your relationship & try find out why you can't get it more often.

I always say if you have nothing to lose, lose nothing...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

Happy belated birthday D... sorry that you are feeling like this. I don't know how to make it better for you.
I hope that you can talk to her and make her see what this is doing to you.
Good luck

Reply to Inc
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

You are right I just sometimes lose faith in it all, but I will talk to her again and mybe there is a fisical problem

Reply to D
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hey D,

Yes it is demotivating when you try so hard & you don't get the appreciation & recognition you need.
You seem quite capable of being independent, & you do seem to have made up your mind already. Just know that sometimes we do things in haste that we regret later on.
Take time out to consider all your options.

From your posting I am of the opinion that she does not appreciate the person you are. If you feel strongly about letting go D, then by all means do so, but know that it is a choice you made.

You guys must have been quite in love at one stage of the relationship for her to be your fiance. Maybe all it needs is just a reminder...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: D | 2004/11/16

Hi Shaun, believe me I have tried and tried again I think I must go and let her find love again or something that excites hur obviously i just dont cut it, but hey whos purfect??

Reply to D
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hi D,

Can't blame you for feeling the way you do. I hope you know that to some people birthdays are not as important as we hope they feel it must be. So let me take this opportunity to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY D. Although late, I wish you a great day for today, & many more pleasant birthdays to come.

I did notice that you mentioned she is your fiance currently. So would it not be appropriate to get to the root of the problem before you commit to her for life? I mean, you have a good chance of still making sure she is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. From your posting it does seem like she has not much interest... Maybe she just takes things for granted & needs to be reminded that a relationship requires a lot of hard work, communication, care & affection. What work does she do that she seems to have no time for you?
Maybe you guys can even go for relationship, or pre-marital counselling to see if it can be salvaged.

She seems rather spoilt to me D. It's your future, so take the appropriate action you need to make sure it's a happy, comfortable, & satisfactory one.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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