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Question
Posted by: LostYouth | 2005/12/05

I feel My Youth was lost

When I was in my teens and twenties, I knew I was gay but I never went out with guys, was always shy and afraid, instead I just spend time on my studies and then later just work, Today I feel so angry and hurt because of he last opportunities, I can find no love my age anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi LostYouth and welcome to our forum, and thanks to Tammy and Deeve for their insightful responses.

No doubt many people – both gay and straight - can relate to your post. Many people have a sense of not always having lived previous stages of their lives fully - missed opportunities for growth or not always appreciating special people around them.

In a sense your message is about the importance of living our lives as fully as we can and while we need to acknowledge the importance of nostalgia, we need to remember to continue to invest as much as we can in the present and the future. Don't allow age to hold you back - previously you used the excuses of studies and work to avoid interacting with others, mind that you don't use age as an excuse to continue hiding from being happy.

Make a point of nurturing yourself and enjoying yourself, meet as many new people as you can and develop new friendships. Take up a new hobby or follow a particular interest. There's always time to break a cycle - so get out there and start living as fully as you can.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2005/12/06

Hi Lost Youth,
Unfortunately, there are many of us who only "came out" at the tender age of around 40. Do yourself a favour and look back, and ask yourself straight (no NEVER straight!!) " Were you ready then -did you HAVE your marbles, never mind the ability to start putting them in a row" I have also questioned the loss of my youth. Stood in clubs, and looked at the young guys - and felt SOoo inadequate! I have mourned this, and moved on, and maybe you need do this too. If you are still struggling with acceptance conficts, or self esteem, then get some councilling asap. It will be the 'best' investment you will ever make. Only once YOU feel good about yourself, and life around you, will you be able to walk tall, and move forward in life. Happy people tend to draw others towards them - of ALL ages. Maybe you need to stand a little further back, and re-evaluate your journey. You have NOT lost anything, you just need to get cracking so that you can catch up......
Best Wishes

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Supporter | 2005/12/05

Bookbenders, the gay men's book club, is going very strong and meets at Triangle Project at 20h00 on the last Wednesday of every month. And yes, it is a great place to meet men - but also a great place to socialise. Maybe the Xpert will tell you more.

Reply to Supporter
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/05

I just checked - bookbenders is still going. Do a google search for it.

Regards

Tammy

Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/05

Hey, be a gentle on yourself.

How old are you now? If you're in your fourties, as I am, or older, well - it was the nature of the society we grew up in.

Love isn't easy to find at any age. It is equally difficult for lesbians and heterosexual people as it is for gay people. You are where you are now. Make the most of it.

Maybe what you could hink of doing is getting out a bit, meeting new people. The brioader your social circle, the easier you will find ity to meet people.

I don't know where you are : but if you're in Cape Town, you could try Bookbenders - it's a gay men's book club. The last time I went there - several years ago - it was a very good place for older guys to meet.

Hugs and kisses

Tammy

Reply to Tammycdtv

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