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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/07

I feel like i am drowning!

I had an affair with a married guy, it has been going on for about 3 months but i moved into his house, with his wife and kid and still went on. One night we were in the lounge together smooching and carrying on and his wife walked in. Obviously i moved out it was too uncomfortable for all of us. Since i moved out he does not contact me and does not show any care at all. I know what was happening was wrong but it made us both feel alive and excited. What should i do, mope over the idiot or move on because he never really cared. But he kept saying things like if i were not married i'd be with you and we could have a child together and and and.... it went on, he even told me that he was falling inlove with me. How do i resolve this one, my heart pines to see him or just to know if he is ok, what do i do?

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Our expert says:
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Are you nuts ? Having an affair with a married man is a grubby thing to do, hurting innocent people for your selfish pleasure. But to move in with them ? What were you thinking ? What on earth did you expect to happen ? And how can you be surprised that he no longer calls you ?
HE USED YOU, and said whatever worked to get you into bed with him. There'll be another woman doing that job for him by now. You shouldn't care whether he is OK or not. Recognize that he was lying to you and using you, learn from the experience so as never to do such a silly thing again, and move on. You don't deserve and are unlikely to achieve closure. What would you achieve by seeing or contacting him again ? DO you want him to tell you some fresh lies ? Have you run out of the last ones ?
Think of his wife who you hurt so badly, and for her sake, do not contact them again, and make sure the next man in your life is free and not married.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/07

I meant not that Devious.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/07

Dont attack me, i was in an abusive relationship previously and i never felt good about myself, what happened, happened, i did not do it intentionally, i know i am that devious. Why does it always have to be the lady's fault he took advantage of the situation i was in, making me feel special and treating me all nice because he knew i was going though the heart ache, but like they say when it comes to his wife, it is always easier to hate the person you dont know then the person you love. I am bit hurt although i knew i was a sinner but why did he not think about his family when he was intimate with me??? Why does it always have to be us at fault??? Is that fair???

Reply to Confused
Posted by: TK | 2005/12/07

Well said Tammy..What with these women dating married men?

Reply to TK
Posted by: Tammy | 2005/12/07

You know the hurt you are feeling now??
Multiply that with a thousand then you will understand how his wife felt/feels...

Reply to Tammy
Posted by: Hee hee | 2005/12/07

You moved in with your lover, his wife and family?! Nice one! Hahahaha, must be a joke.

Reply to Hee hee
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/07

He said all the right things to you to get what he wanted from you, but still stay married. You moved into the ouse, he had both you and his wife. He is a pig!

Move on, find someone who does care about you, 100%, not someone who uses you.

Married men seldom leave their wives. This is not a reflection of you not being good enough or worth it. Its areflection of the men not being good enough or worth it.

You want to know if he is ok? Why? Has he shown any concern for you, has he tried to find out if you are ok? No.

Why do you care for someone who only cares for himself?

Your heart pines for a fantasy, not reality. Your heart pines for a dream he fabricated in your mind. Let it go, come back to earth, an dfind yourself a decent man. There are still some out there, you know.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/07

Did you stop to think how his WIFE feels!!?
What their marriage is going through!!??
because you & him were selfish......It was for him & his wife to feel excited & alive, not for you!.

You are still only thinking about YOURSELF!!...You want to be sad cuz you lost sumthing that wasnt yours!!
My sympathy & concern is not with you, but with the Wife who is probably crying herself asleep every night now........

You have no place to even think about him...and I am happy that he didnt contact you again.....Maybe he is trying to work on his marriage.......So leave him to do that!



Reply to Delene
Posted by: Friend | 2005/12/07

This guy is not going to leave his wife. Go on with your life and get him out of your life. You deserve better.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: Friend | 2005/12/07

I have always found Jades postings very true and she clearly has a great degree of insight into emotional problems, however, I must say this; you need closure for your own piece of mind, your heart makes the choices of love in many cases. I would advice to proceed with caution but you must confront him tell how you feel and ask him if anything can comeout of this, you need a yes or a no not a maybeand then move on, fear is temprorary regret is forever.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: Jade | 2005/12/07

He IS MARRIED !!

Which means OUT OF BOUNDS !!!!

Leave him alone. Move on & find someone who really wants to be with you.

He is just using you !!!! Trying to have his cake & eat it.

Reply to Jade

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