Our expert says:
Your complaint is not unusual. You have described what many women feel but you seem to know what feels good for you and have reached an orgasm by stimulating yourself. What is important to realise is that men and women are different. Men can become aroused very easily but this can take a bit longer for women. It is important for women to become aroused for penetration to be comfortable and to feel good. Effective arousal causes lubrication of the vagina and plumping up of the tissues of the vulva so that penetration is comfortable. It is important to be able to communicate this in a kind, sensitive way to you partner. You need to guide him to areas which feel good for you. Often women need more time for general sensual touch and then effective touch or stimulation of the clitoral area. The clitorus and vulva area (inside the labia minora (small lips) that surround the vaginal opening and 2cm up on the anterior wall of the vagina are the most sensitive areas. With penetration, often these areas aren't stimulated at all and so orgasm does not happen for many woman. What can help is to try different positions where you can move or angle your pelvis differently and find the position which most effectively stimulates you (try woman on top position).
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