Posted by: mandy | 2005/01/13

i did something terrible....

i did something terrible.... i read my younger sister's diary. i felt really terrible but im glad i did. i found out in the diary that she feels like she is living in my shadow, she also wrote how unsatisfied she is with herself, her looks and everything. and even worse.. she has resorted to self mutiliation for temp relief and also wrote that during the festive season if one of my family members didnt walk in her room, she would have ended her life. how can i help her without her knowing i read her diary! if she feels like she is living in my shadow she will hate me even more knowing i invaded her privacy and might even attempt to take her life again. i would never be able to live with myself. please help me.

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Our expert says:
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yes, it was a bad thing to do, and I wonder why you decided to invade her privacy ? You can still talk to her about how you feel woried that she seems so sad, and make it into a conversation in which she would be able to reveal to you, of her own choice, some of what you have now discovered. As Jasmine says, make time for far more sisterly girl-togirl chats, share more of your own concerns, especially where they might be similar to her own concerns, and talk about how you try to deal with them, asking what she thinks, and does she feel anything similar ? Build your relationship with her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: L | 2005/01/13

I agree with G. Don't tell her about the diary. Do try to build a relationship from the start. Even if she looks board, take her places and do stuff with her. Call her 1 a day just to tell her you love her. Ask how she's doing and take an interest in her life. If she likes going to the movies, arrange a lady's night out. Do whatever you can to boost her self-esteem. Start confiding in her about minor problems that you have and try to figure out how you can solve it together. This will show her that your not perfect and it will also make her feel involved in your life.
Good Luck!

Reply to L
Posted by: g | 2005/01/13

don’t even go there she is already envious of you she will take it as an invasion of her privacy what made you read it in the first place did you suspect something try motivating her show her the positive side to things make her feel wanted and not unwanted as she thinks but don’t do it all in the same day she will know you have read her diary do small things make it natural get motivational reading matter for her to read how to improve her self worth there are guides every where ask her if she has read the article you found guide her to the positive side of things

Reply to g
Posted by: Mandy | 2005/01/13

Thanks for the advise JAsmine, its a bit difficult to spend time with her as there is an age gap of 8 yrs btw us and i work full time and she has a b/f who she spends all her time with on weekends. i have taken her into town with me to shop and drink coffee and all but she get bored in my company and after reading she feels like she is living in my shadow i dont think she enjoys my company anyway.

To too scared to confront her, if she is jealous over me she might feel even more worthless if i try and tell her what to do and what not to do with her life. I just dont know how to handle this.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: mimi | 2005/01/13

Hi , I think you should sit down with her and discuss it , apologise the fact that you did read her book , she will be cross with you , but what will she do if she finds out after a while that you did read her diary (invaded her privacy) and maybe discussed it with someone else ? I know , it happened to me and I felt that if you were concerned about what you read , why did you not come to me and talk to me about it ? I was upset for invading my privacy but hurt even more when I found out you have read it but kept quiet and discussed it with who ever. It is very bad to have read these things but wait for the right moment and talk the her . Good luck

Reply to mimi
Posted by: Jasmine | 2005/01/13

Perhaps a blessing in disguise, try not to focus on you being naughty and invading her privacy - rather focus on your sister.
Maybe not a good thing to quite tell her that you read her diary, try spending some sisterly time with her and do the things sisters do, chat and so on. Make yourself available and approachable so that she may feel relaxed to confide in you, then take the next step by perhaps encouraging her (if it really is that bad) to talk to someone who can help on a professional level.

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