Posted by: Lu | 2009/04/14

I despise my boyfriend

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and we now have a 1 yr old boy. he got a job in another city when i was three months pregnant and accepted the offer and left without much discussion on the matter (accepted offer before he could tell me) then 9 months later he complained that he was no longer enjoying the new city and work and he went got himself dismissed without a plan B (i.e. no job promise) even though i adviced against the decision given that we' d just had a child. at this point the baby was about 3 months. i am now left with the responsibility of caring for our child financially as he is unemployed and its almost a year now that he is unenmployed. I also support him financially buying him stuff he needs and paying for his contract phone so that he' d be able to make and get calls for job interviews etc. surviving on my salary only has put a strain on me. i find myself despising him for putting all our responsibilities on my shoulder without any remorse. i spoke to him about it and he said he could not apologise for doing something that made him feel happy (quiting the job) but this i feel was at my expense. he says he appreciates all that i' m doing but his actions don' t say so. sometimes i feel as though he is punishing me for his bad decision.i can' t get over what he has done and its affecting whatever thats left of our relationship.this is affecting me horribly. i really have no idea what to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds like a selfish and foolish young man, impulsive and thoughtless. How can he have gone a year without finding a job ? He can start small and umble, while waiting for an ideal job. The longer he has done NOTHING the more unattractive he is to potential employers. It is appalling if he thinks that simply because quitting his job made him happy, is enough to entirely justify it, even though it may have made you and his child unhappy.
Why not give him an ultimatum --- get work ( even if he packs bags at a supermarket ) within 2 weeks, or you will stop supporting him altogether, as you already have one child to look after. He doesn't need a cellphone.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maureen | 2009/04/14

I honestly dont know what has happened to our men! if thats what you can call then anyway. I agree with Anon' s posting, move on, you are literally looking after an over grown baby! Why are you paying his cellphone? if you couldnt afford it then who would pay it for him, its not your problem! U are not even married yet and he has no job! think about your future!

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Posted by: Anon | 2009/04/14

Well, seeing that the two of you are not married then why dont you leave? you are already caring for your child without his help, there wont be much difference if you were on your own! As a matter of fact you wont be paying his bills etc and would probably be off much happier. If you resent him now i doubt you will ever be able to let go of it, or it will take a long long time! move on lady, you have your whole life to look forward to, meet someone else who will provide for you, dont sit around looking after a grown child! good luck

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