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Question
Posted by: Keketso | 2007/08/13

I cannot make him happy.

I try to cook his favourite meals, I serve him hand and foot. Later at night I give him tea and biscuits.

I never say no to sex and sometimes even iniciate it. He can come wherever he likes whether I like the place or not, feel degraded or not.

I take him lunch when he is working and I am not. I take out dvd's that he likes.

He says if I stop being a cow he'd be nicer to me and things would change. Then I do my best and swallow when Im upset, yet the first time i am a cow again he uses it to justify he's treatment of me.

He keeps on disrespecting me. He believes he gives me a roof over my head so thats why he needs to do nothing more. He never goes out of his way to do anything nice for me. Some nights he does not even say thank you for the supper i've prepared with so much care.

Nothing I try can get him to make me feel loved, cared for or even just decent, bacic consideration. He will promise to try and let me know when he'll be late but the first time it happens again he does not.

He say's he does not hit me, shout at me so why do I say he treats me badly ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I sounds as though this is a really unwholesome relationship, in which you seem to feel you have to try desperaely to make him happy --- and how does he try to make you happy ? You are describing motional abuse, from a boy not man enough to treat a woman as an equal and with respect. Try calling POWA, which helps to advise abused women. he doesn't have to physically hit you in order to hurt you. They can help you to plan to leave safely

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Temba | 2007/08/13

No sister, don't blame it on your mother.It seems to me that you have tried everything here and so far all else have failed.You need to sit down and be true to yoself and ask yourself if this is really the kind of life that you want to lead.You really can't sepnd your whole life trying my sister.

The fact that all else has failed simply means that one of you isn't committed to the relationship and not prepared to sit down, solve problems and make things happen.

Maybe some time away from each other should put things into perspective.By the sounds of things, you deserve better.He really isn't appreaciative and he will curse the day you leave him.Good gilrs are hard to find.

Reply to Temba
Posted by: Keketso | 2007/08/13

I do hope that some where out there is such a bull, but I'll probably have to accept that I'll grow old loneyly.

Reply to Keketso
Posted by: Southernwrite | 2007/08/13



Tell him this "cow" is leaving to find greener pastures and a new bull that will make her happy

Reply to Southernwrite
Posted by: Keketso | 2007/08/13

I am planning on leaving him, it takes time though.

Reply to Keketso
Posted by: Maria | 2007/08/13

Have you gone for counselling by yourself to try and work out why your relationships fail? Maybe you don't know how to be loved as you never experienced this from your mother. All is not lost though - you can learn to have healthy relationships with mutual love and respect. CBT counselling can help you do this and it is not necessary to spend lots of time analysing your past - rather spend that time looking at what you can change now to make your life better.

You say "wanting to leave did not work". What about leaving then?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Lims | 2007/08/13

keketso,My suggestion would be stop serving him.Do not be a cow.Be very nice and neutral to him but be very loving to yourself.tread yourself as you would like to be treated.
Give him an opportunity to give and stop receiving.The more you give to him he more he'll just take without giving, himself.Relax sit back and watch him.Do not stress yourself about him but just stop giving untill he gives back.

Reply to Lims
Posted by: Keketso | 2007/08/13

Counseling did not work. Fighting did not work. Wanting to leave did not work.

Yes I am going out tonight with a girlfriend for supper and I will not let him know. No matter where he goes or what he does, he always know's I am at home.

I'm not happy and I have to make a plan, it's very hard accepting another failed relationship. They say you must look into your history and find why you have problems. My mother did not show me any love, so why am I with a man that does the same.

Reply to Keketso
Posted by: Maria | 2007/08/13

There are more ways than hitting our shouting to abuse someone. Clearly your husband/partner is not meeting your emotional needs at all. I would suggest couples counselling but it does not sound as if he would go for it. I wonder if perhaps he treats you like a doormat because you act like one? Perhaps if you stop being a servant and become a wife, a person with selfrespect who insists (in a nice way) that she be treated better, he will sit up and take notice. Why must everything always go the way he wants it? Make food you like, sometimes get a dvd you would like. And perhaps stay out one night without letting him know, and see how he likes it.

Reply to Maria

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