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Question
Posted by: DM | 2004/01/19

I CANNOT ACCEPT IT!!!

My husband had an affair 6 yrs ago and a child from that affair, they broke up when the child was 3 after I found out. He begged me to forgive him and said that it was a mistake that he had a child with that lady. I never met the child and his mother. The child stays with the sister of this lady, and I heard that my husband visits this child sometimes, and I don't have a problem with that.(my husband never tells me when he visits this child).

My problem is - My husband and I have a 9yrs old son and now I'm 4 months pregnant. My husband said when the baby is born, he will give the baby the same name as the one of that ex-g child. When I ask why, he said he loves that name and doesn't want to lose it because that other child is not staying with him and doesn't use his surname.

Can you please give me some advice

Your help will be highly appreicated


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear DM,
Well, this is an unusual question, and it'll be interesting to see what our other readers have to say here. I suppose it all depends on how you choose to feel about it, and as you head your question in capital letters "I CANNOT ACCEPT IT!!!!" I guess you have already decided that this is a problem for you.
In previous centuries it wasn't unusual for families to give the same name to several of their living children, expecting that with high infant mortality rates, only one of their "Williams" or "Sarahs" would make it to adulthood. It has, though, become a most unusual practice these days.
I understand that he likes the name, but surely he understands that for a very obvious reason, caused by him, it's upsetting for you to contemplate having the same name for your child as he already gave to an illegitimate "love-child". Does he really only have one favourite name he loves ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: DM | 2004/01/19

Thanks for all the responses

Reply to DM
Posted by: Juz4Fun | 2004/01/19

Dear DM,

Naming a kid is a joint decision not a unilateral decision by either parent & from your subject line i gather that u have already made your choice of what the name should not be.

I suggest that you both discuss other suitable names 'cos this is a reminder of something negative for U. Although a new child to any parent is a gift from god & dont think the association that you will have the name would be good.

It is my opinion that your hubby is being daft with his choice of name.. what next if you dont like this name... why not choose the other ladies name as a namesake!!

Reply to Juz4Fun
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/19

Hi DM

I would not do that even if the babies don't have the same surnames.
Does your hubby think that if he gives this unborn baby the same name as his other child that, that child is just giong to disapear into thin air.
And as for you being in this situation I sure as heck wouldn't allow it.
Your hubby already has a child with his favorite name these children are not the same and they never will be.

Is he mad or what. What's the madder with him, he needs help that's what he needs.
No this is all wrong!!!
Can you honestly give your child the same name as his other child with another woman.
Let me ask you one question, if these 2 children carry the same name (I'm not talking about the sunames just the names)
which face will you see when you say the name when you hear the name? your child or his child?

Sorry for rambling but he sure has one hell of a nerve. The chioce is yours and if you do decide to give the baby the same name then I must say you are woman in a million and your hubby has a woman that he sure doesn't deserve.

All the best
Soul

Reply to Soul

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