Posted by: Rat | 2004/01/15

I am tired

I the narccisitic, controling, manipulative emotional abandoner of my wife during her baby blues, the causer of her affair three years ago, which I only found out about three months ago. The man who on several occassions in that period three years ago called her names like a psycho, crazy and unfit mother, hereby declare that I will move out as she requests because she cannot stand the torment I am causing her and our son. I have obtained an appointment with a shrink, tomorrow who I hope will lead me on the road to self discovery as I do not see the person my wife sees, or says she is afraid of. With the new shrink, who will not know me from a bar of soap I will attempt to determine who I am, without giving them an inclication of what my homelife is about. Only when that person has made a diagnosis and completed treatment so that I can say with confidence that what I have become is a normal good person, capable of uncontrolling love, but love that does not make me lose myself, will I attempt to engage in dialogue with my wife, which at the moment turns crazy the moment our eyes meet - in an instant.

I am on tranquilisers for the last three days, which have helped me remain calmish and not to depressed and we will see what the shrink says.

I just wish the next two weeks were behind me.

Please comment on what I say make sense, when one has come to this point of the road. I don't want to do combined councelling until have a greater assurance of who I actually am, rather than just my wife's opinion and that of her shrinks and friends through her mouth.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear rat,
Congratulations on making a very sensible decsion, to seek expert help for yourself, to better understand yourself and the efect you have on others, and, having sorted yourself out, to explore the practicality of healing the relationship with your wife. Actually, it is rare for any of us to find anyone who experiences us in the way we experience ourselves --- fortunately the differences between the effect we think we're producing and the effect we're actually having, and between the way we see ourselves and how others see us, are usually not large enough to cause problems, but it's not very uncommon for exactly that to happen. Good luck in your work with your new psychiatrist, and in working out your own problems and needs, and then being able to help with your wife's, if that's what then seems best.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: k00s | 2004/01/15

i hope next time we hear from u the nick will also b sumtin mor uhmmm,,,,,human? your subject reminds me of a ozzy osborne song,,,,,so tired,,,,quite a song.

one day at a time now bru,,,

& even if u r g@tvol , give the shrink a fair chance ,,,& dont just go to him/her to get confirmation of whoevers innocense or guilt,,,or your sanity or sumtin,,,go try find some direction 4 yourself...& hopefully your wife

b strong,,,,

Reply to k00s
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/01/15

hi there

i salute you for being teachable and willing to seek professional help!

what you are experiencing in not so strange, it happenes quite often that people have a different opion of us that we have of ourselves... i think it is because we don't mean to be rude or hurtful, according to us we are speaking the truth, but even if we are "right" we still hurt hurt people and once they are hurt they can't trust us, so we lose them...
it's better to lose the battle and win the war!

i think a true wise person will also see that its not what we say that breaksdown or build but how we say it.
i also think it's hard to be caring and considerate while we watch voilent and abusive tv programs and movies - i believe it trigger something in us!

you will have to change your entire lifestyle and it's wonderful that you have the opportunity to do so!

good luck in your seach !!!

Reply to lady nina

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