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Posted by: Me | 2005/07/05

I am so HURT!!

My bf dumped me two weeks back coz I had lied about going out with my friends. The reason I lied is bcoz i know how jealous and possesive he is when I want to go out without him. He accused me of having an affair and having slept with another man, thats why I lied to him about my whereabouts. Truth is I lied knowing he was going to be upset with me for going out.

Anyway I pleaded with him for the whole week, I told him the truth about where I went to.. and apologised for lying, irrespective of my reasons. He then said he'll consider it, I should just give him time. I did, in the mean time he would ask me to come and spend time with him and our child. He booked us in a hotel the other day... for 4 days, he invited us to his house as if everything is normal. On sunday, after spending time with him satureday night, he tells me he wants out and has been unhappy in the relationship.

I am so hurt, as this is unfair, and to be honest I have admitted to myself that this is one guilt trip, and he wants me to beg. I have forgiven him for major things in the past, and yet he ends our relationship over such a small thing. Should I just let go or fight for this relationship... Its been 6 years with a four year old daughter!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear of your sadness, but if a guy is that possessive and controlling, you're actually well rid of him. After his fit of jealousy, how dare he be so darn condascending about "thinking" about whether to forgive you for what he caused ? it sounds as though he has a whole big pile of emotional baggage he isn't dealing with, and a miserable relaionship with him isn't necessaril a good thing for the child. If you decide to part, this might be psychologically healthier for both of you, but consult a lawyer to ensure that he continues to have to pay proper maintenance for the child, and that there isn't room for quarrels about access. Recover your other friendships and family.
keep your dignity,don't beg, and let him take responsibility for his choices and actions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: red rose | 2005/07/05

believe me i was hurt for over 5 months and he left me on the phone not face to face...infact about two months later i contactedd him because in order to move on with my life i needed to look in his eyes... he was so cold and even different, i thought that he was not the same person he was....he even dramaticed by saying that the only things he missed was the way i got wet with his touch! now i am happily involved with a guy for the past three years he gives me time for myself and for my friends and if i refuse a night out with my friens he gets a little angry because he beleives tat when you are in a relationshp you have to live your life to the full including friends... i hope you can manage although in your case you have a daughter so you might be seeing more of him but dont worry just stay cool and dont let him or any one else steal liberty from you and true love and not possessive love

Reply to red rose
Posted by: Me | 2005/07/05

Thanx Red Rose. I really have compromised a lot for the past six years and was considering getting married to this guy. He suffers from serious insecurities and I dont know what to do anymore. I lost a number of friends, distanced myself to family members etc. I basically am not supposed to have a life other than him. He has really limited my freedom and well he has been having a time of his life. It really hurts at the moment, but God will see me through this as I have really had it. He will get what he deserves. Thanx again, your story just opened my eyes. If I beg him, he'll keep on doing it, as its been the case for the past six years of my life.

Reply to Me
Posted by: red rose | 2005/07/05

Over four years ago i was going out with a guy we have met abroad (he is from my same country) and we spent ten days together knowing each other...the first 4 months were like heaven on earth and i was very happy ( I was still very young) just 16... after those 4 months things started to change and he started to be possessive, jealous and like you i could not go out with my friends not even to take a cup of coffee or go shopping. he was my first real boyfriend you know cos i never spent that time with a boy... however he was possessive... i could not wear white as he was afraid that my bra could be seen... i could not go to swim alone... if i was busy doing something and could not speak to him for a long while on the phone, he got angry and so on.... after nearly a year, my sister asked me to be the godmother of her son and i accepted happily without even daring to ask him if he minded...that was my family and he had nothing to say about it... the godfather was her husband's brother with whom i once went out before knowing my ex for a walk and a drink...my ex when he knew became furious and wanted me to refuse to do that thing...i could not... at that moment i knew that with him, i could not be happy...he could not limit my life to that point...he asked me to choose either him or being a godmother to my nephew and i chose my family...he then told me that if i had chosen him he would have let me doing it... mind you he thought i was his property...he just left me the day before my sis had the baby and a wonderful occassion was turned to be sad... eventhough he did those things to me i still loved him .... i tried to pursuade him but nothing...if he loved me the way he said he would have turned back no doubt...i thank god he hadnt cos i am sure that the reason why he left was something else...

dear ME please if you believe that you did not do nothing wrong do not try to persuade him by thinking it...he has a mind of his pwn to use it not only to think about sex and so on... i dont want to be rude but please do not let a man limit your freedom.

Reply to red rose

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