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Question
Posted by: ME | 2008/05/26

I am really frustrated

Ma husband cheated on me, I seem to find it very hard to trust him again. I have forgiven him, but I am struggling to trust him again. We are both born again christians, I trusted him so much. I knew befire we get married he was a womaniser, and as a result he has five different kids from five different women. I accepted that because I love him very much, and I believed that he has changed and he is really a born again christian. I also find out from my step-daughter's diary that he cheated on me before we get married, I know I was not supposed to read tha diary(please don't remind me that i made a mistake because I still feel very bad about it even now), but the fact remains i read the diary, but at th same time I don't have a proof.
He did apologise for everything, and I forgave him, but I can't trust him anymore. Whats killing me now is that, lately I become so moody and emotional at the same time, I cry a lot, just keep quite, and don't speak to him. I no longer feel loved anymore. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, I asked him and he said he still loves me, but I just don't believe him. I feel insecured can't seem to be close ti him as before. My feeling are mixed, I don't know how to explain them.
its like he doesn't seem to care anymore, I struggle to explain my feeling to him coz we always end up arguing, he always blames me for everything bad happening, its like he thinks I am negging, I cry for nothing..Its like he does not understands me and he is not willing to do so. Its like I am always wrong, he never accepted when he is wrong, he always pushes the blame to me all the time. I am so deppressed, sometime we don't talk, and he always thinks I am the one who started it.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am so frastrated, I feel like crying even now. i am afraid to talk to him, its like he does not understand. Please helo me, I love ma husband, but i really don't think he loves me anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hear about rather a lot of "born-again Christians" who have behaved badly --- uch rebirth really doesn't seem to predict excellent behaviour in everyone. When such a person behaves badly, it might suggest, indeed, that they could be more hypocritical than most. Clearly, he has NOT changed at all.
A man who has had 5 children by 5 women, and has left them all, is a lousy bet as a husband, and surely you realized how likely it was that he would eventually cheat you, too ? A faithful man, someone even capable of fidelity could just not do what he had already done when you met him.
I don't understand why you think you ought to trust such a man ? Would you trust a serial killer as a baby-sitter ? It sounds as though he says things to get what he wants, without feeling the need to do or feel what he says. And from your description, he doesn't take responsibility for his choices and actions, which is always a bad sign.
See a personal counsellor and work for yourself, on your self-esteem and self-confidence, and towards deciding what's best for YOU.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nia | 2008/05/26

I once dated a divorced man who was previously married for 12 years. He had 2 kids with his ex. Kids told me that he got divorced because of cheating. He admitted, but said that he would never do it again and that he loved me and that I was right for him. 6 Months after I found out that he was cheating on me. I contacted the woman. She did not know about me and she told me that he cheated with her while he was married. But - as she was not the lady that the kids told me about, I started a little investigation of my own. In the end he admitted that during his 12 year marriage he cheated 17 times. And while he was with me, 3 times. He was a very nice guy (also a "reborn christian") and when he was with me he made me feel special and that he really cared. However, after I discovered about this cheating habbit, and after he promised me the sun and the moon, I just could not trust him. Ended up that he got diagnosed as being a psychopath, addicted to sex, relationships, gambling and alcholol. But he hid it very well. I am not sure that serial cheaters like these can change their addictive ways. My advise to you - run, while you can. You will struggle to have a normal trusting life with this man.

Reply to Nia
Posted by: lolo | 2008/05/26

Thank God that u re a born again christian,so my advice to u wud be please pray and pray dont stop praying or until God says u can stop.He says we wont give what is above your power or ability so trust in Him and pls dont say this is a test from God my God doesnt test,its evil spirits.Just give all to God and u ll c all will be fine in no time,no one said the road wud be easy,but God is always on your side not the devils so Pray!!!!!!!

Reply to lolo

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