Posted by: Concerned Wife | 2008/10/06

Husband' s childhood

Hi.As a child, my husband was always blamed and sometimes beaten for siblings'  faults etc.(Confirmed with other family members)Today, he has a problem admitting fault and is very defensive when in conflict. He is working at it, but does he need professional help or could I help him to get over it?His parents seem like good people, but at the same time my husband feels that he is unimportant to them.He doesn' t want to confront them about his childhood. He also mentioned before that he felt they are not approachable to discuss any problems.I try not to say anything bad about them, but I am so anry at them sometimes.What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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Its obviously very understandable if such deplorably bad parenting and discipline led him to have a problem with facing one's faults and dealing with the,. Expert help from a CBT type therapist could probably help him deal with these probl;ems more effectively and efficiently. Confronting his parents is a highly over-valued concept iand is highly unlikely to be helpful for him --- better in CBT terms to deal with the effects this has had on him, and the unhelpfuil set of assumptions and habits he has derived from those experiences. If the parents had such warped ideas about discipline and child-rearing and responsibility, discussing this with them right now is unlikely to be helpful at all

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