Posted by: Dianthe | 2004/10/08

Husband work away from home


I am in a situasion. My husband's current company said in the week that they will only continue their operations for one year and then they will decide what to do from there. 80% of them is going to get packages. Now he heard about a 2 year contract in Angola, and he applied for it. It works like this he is 6 months there 2 weeks back and then 6 months there 2 weeks back. I cannot give up my work to go with him. My pay is much higher then his pay. I am selfish to choose to stay and not giving up my work? Is there someone whos marriage survived something like this?

Thanks for all the help.

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Our expert says:
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I know of couples who have managed with this sort of arrangement, and others who have not. Much depends on the nature and strength of your relationship, and how well you can both hold this in perspective. This is for a specified 2 years, so you both know how ling it will last ( uncertainty is harder to deal with ) Maybe in that time you can arrange to visit him in angola on your leave from your own job. As it is only a 2-year contract, you may really want to hold on to your own job, to maintain those earnings for when his contract ends. Also, you being back here, you could help to keep an eye and ear open for further opportunities here, as his time in Angola draws towards an end.
From your further comments, you sound like a realistic and sensible couple, and likely to be able to manage this. It is prudent, and not at all selfish, to keep on with your own job.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Loli | 2004/10/08

No no, as you say this is a two yr contract not a permanent job. yours is permanent & who knows that he may get a job this side after him compliting the 2yr contract. Any promise of him being permanent on this job? If not BEING SELFISH

Reply to Loli
Posted by: Dianthe | 2004/10/08

Thanks all for replying

I think we must have a long good fair discussion toningt. Giving me hope is all that I needed. If it works, it might make us stronger, and better off at the end.

Thanks again.

Reply to Dianthe
Posted by: Dianthe | 2004/10/08

Hi Paul And Soul

We have open communications lines. We send each other e-mails at work and call each other. He has been looking for another job for 2 years now and found nothing. Companies said his current salary plus benefits they cannot match (he want to get out because he is unhappy in his current job). He is going to earn US dollars when they employ him in Angola.


We have house debt and car dept. We can pay off the house and cars if he takes this job (and safe a lot of money on the intrest). Then we can survive on my salary and we still have money in the bank as well. He said he will look for a job when he gets back. Even if it is as delivery driver, just to keep him busy.

Just to give your guys more info.

Reply to Dianthe
Posted by: Mindful (aka Mindless) | 2004/10/08

Hi Dianthe,

My parents have a similar situation. Please hang in there. I know my mom keeps very busy with bible studies and school work. Her friends are also a great support system to her. I know it's hard on her, but she speaks to my dad every day, and so far things have been going well.
Good luck!

Reply to Mindful (aka Mindless)
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/10/08

No, you should not give up your job to join your husband for a temporary job of two years - that could also change and what then?

Yes, your marriage can survive this and could even improve, depending on how each of you handles it. It won't work if one of the partners start having relationships at the other side.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Soul | 2004/10/08


I don't think your being selfish, and I agree don't give up your job, His contract is only for 2 years what then? You have a good reliable job with a good salary, don't give that up you never know what your circumstances will be after this time period is up.

Why can't your hubby look for another job closer to home, he has a year before this all happens and he'll find something.

I hope things work out for you.
Take Care

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Paul | 2004/10/08

I am aware of a couple that survive this, sure its not easy but it can work out. I don't think its selfish for you to stay, at the end of the day you both need to do what is best for you as a couple and unfortunately so, we cannot live off the fruits of love. As long as you both keep communication (calls, email etc) and are honest with each other about your feelings, I cannot see why not.

Reply to Paul

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