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Question
Posted by: Connie | 2004/01/27

Husband wont let me have a guy friend. Is he right?

I have a guy friend who is really just a friend but my husband is jealous and wont let me go out for coffee or anything with him. Is he being unfair or am I out of line. This guy is really good looking which I believe is the real problem. Since I got married I have lost most of my friends because Im behind 4 walls all the time. Just lately I have become friends with all my old friends again and this guy is included in the group. What should I do. I dont want to loose him as a friend because we can really talk.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Connie, isn't an important part of the problem the fact that you're meeting this guy, who your husband doesn't really know, along and without him ? Wouldn't it be better to meet him along with one or more of your other friends, at their homes, and to take your husband with you, when possible ? If there's nothing else going on, let him see that. And if there is anything else going on, then you'd be treating him shabbilly.
Talk with your husband, about how you missed the company of your prevous friends, and want to revive those friendships, not to exclue him ;, and about how you felt shut-in at home, without contact with them.
Isn't it, also, wise when married, to seek both to include your spouse in the existing friendships you have already, and to try to make new, joint friendships you can share ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: De Bruyn | 2004/01/28

The respondents are right. However, maybe if you invited your guy friend to your home and your husband was there as well, Hubby might like the guy and then you could have a three way friendship. It would also help if there are no romantic intentions.

It could be a dangerous situation unless he (the friend) is gay.

Reply to De Bruyn
Posted by: Ish Bo | 2004/01/28

I also dont approve of my g/f having such close guyfreinds.You are married now and I dont seee why its so inmportant to you to have coffee with your guyfreind,I dont think its worth the trouble it may cause in your marriage.

Reply to Ish Bo
Posted by: 007 | 2004/01/28

For what reason should a married woman go out for coffee or 'anything' with another goodlooking man??
How would you expect the real husband to feel about it, then???

Reply to 007
Posted by: Storm | 2004/01/28

I can somehow understand how you feel and how he feels. Turn the situasion around, how would you feel if he was in the situasion you are in, how would you feel about it? When in situasions like this I always try and put myself in the other persons shoes. If you feel that he could go out for a drink with a beautifull lady friend without you, without you having a problem with him, then you should really talk about the situasion with him. Why not arrange the whole thing and take him with you?

Reply to Storm

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