Posted by: Nicki | 2008/09/25

Husband very down-I' m afraid


Last night my husband told me that he is planning to shoot himself! This comes after he lost his job a few months back and we are struggling at the moment, he is bringing in some money with a private little business he started but it is not enough,in the meantime he go' s to interview after interview but nothing happens!!

He has a very sad past and he never dealt with the issues in his life and i think it is all just becoming too much!! His brother were killed in a car accident about 6yrs ago, they were very close and more like best buddies, then about a year after this his mom shot herself because she couldn' t handle the death of her son, my husband had to go and clean up and so on aferwards, he never dealt with any of this and it really bothers me!!

This morning he asked me to please help him, because he loves me and the kids sooooo much but he doesn' t have the strenghth to go on anymore, i am afraid i won' t be able to give him enough help, and he won' t know anything of going to a " shrink" , what must i do, i don' t want to lose him, we have a 7mnth old baby boy, i can not do this on my own!!

Please i need to advise on how to handle this situation



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Our expert says:
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So sorry to hear about this, Nicki. Obviously this is a very serious situation and must be taken very seriously indeed. The risk of suicide is high under such circumstances, and indeed more so when a parent has committed suicide. Keep talking with him and make it clear both that you love him and that his suicide, far from solving anything, would devastate you and the children, and that however hopeless things may appear to him, this situation CAN be sorted out. He needs urgent help, from a medical school dept of psychiatry or major state hospital if not a private shrink. If you call Lifeline, they may be able to advise you in more detail about how to talk with him about this. If you have a family doctor, call him/her and ask for direct advice ( as they know your husband ) and help to reach him. Maybe he'd accept seing a GP in the first place. He needs to be gently helped to understand that it is not his fault he has become so depressed, but that this is an illness which can be suiccessfully treated, and that while depressed, it's like wearing the psychological equivalent of dark glasses, uch that he will selectively see only the gloomiest aspect of everything, and not notice any more positive aspects of the situation or available solutions

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Our users say:
Posted by: bernie | 2008/09/25

Hi Nikki
if you read a little way down i sent a message saying i too planned suicide, i dont know what puts us into such a frame of mind it just sometimes feel like you deserve it or you cant change your plans now!! i dont know what will work for your husband but in my case i just want someone to listen to my story and help me change my mind with love and concern dont ignore his threat talk to him about it tell him there' s too much beauty to quit i' m talking out of experience that he doesnt really want to die he wants help if he wanted no help he wouldnt tell you he' d just do it. by shooting yourself its gory you want to tell the world just how pissed you really are. He probably is very angry with the world for handing him this raw deal, i would say send him to a shrink but when you in that mindset you not interested in seeing someone you dont even think can help you, you are his only chance listen to him, my aunt shot herself and all she wanted was an ear and a pat on the back from someone who knows. i' m very sorry your husband and esp. you are in this situation. thinking of you

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