Posted by: BUANG! | 2009/08/26

Husband quits again.

Husband has quit and gone back to the woman he cheated with about three years ago. .
I am concerned about the children cos at that time the eldest (a boy) has to go for counselling. He is now a teenager and it' s difficult to deal with him at times. He seems withdrawn and won' t to psychologist at his school.

I am still shocked by this recurrence and find it also difficult to lift the kids up at times. I know life is unfair at times, but this is a worst case...I shared a bed with someone who planned my downfall for the past three years. I even conceived a third child during this time. Only to discover now as the issue unfolds that he has a baby with this woman as well.
The worst yet is that I forgave him when he impregnate another woman( different to the existing one)when the second child was born. I now question whether he knows what he' s doing. Is there something wrong with him? Everytime when he slept, he would drink sleeping tablets. He would say that he can' t rest without taking the pills and the dosage kept increasing. He is a lawyer and understandbly hectic at office.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Buang,
the shock you are in must be close to unmeasurable.
This is not the first time he abandons you. You took him back in good faith and yet he still betrayed you. It must feel like you have lived a lie all these years and that you have been used. I know, it happened to me too.
It is time for you to focus on your needs now and accept that you deserve better. His behaviour has nothing to do with you even if you were the recipient. Do not find excuses for him or his behaviour.
You are concerned about your children and rightfully so, however remaining in a relationship which serves no example of honesty, integrity and respect will not benefit your children. You cannot force your husband to change or change his attitude towards his children but you can change yourself and make new choices in your life which will benefit you and your children.
You say you do not believe in divorce and rather stay separated. This is a crucial statement in your position right now. You are scared to let go and move on, but are you sure you want to keep this man "attached" to your life? Yes, he is the father of your children and however little his relationship with them, and it may change over time, your parenting roles should become defined to your personal life. You need to define your boundaries. Emotionally abusive relationship can be very damaging but not necessarily recognised. Your son's "difficult" behaviour is an indication that he picks up on that. Once you claim your happiness and find stability back in your life, so will he.

SADSA - Pre and Post Divorce Coaching available individually or in groups.

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