Posted by: Ticked off | 2009/01/13

Husband not playing ball

I am extremely disappointed with my husband. Have been for some time.

He has been unemployed for some time. As of April 2007. He resigned because he had another job in place and when he spoke to the guy the job was not available any more. And that one of the biggest companies in the country, but that is not why I am writing today. That is a whole other problem.

What I am ticked off about is the fact that he has done absolutely nothing to try and find a job. He has a computer related hobby and spent alot of his time doing it even before being unemployed. I don' t have a problem with that, we all have our ways of relaxing and depressing and we all have our hobbies. I am just so annoyed with the fact that that is now all he does all day long. He complains about this and that, but does not make any effort to apply for any jobs. He does not have any qualifications, just solid experience, but says that all the jobs he looks at wants people in his line of work to have experience with the programs he has experience in and also others. I do hope all of this makes sense. So he does not apply for any, because he says he does not have the necessary experience. Ok, so what about then studying or doing something else. Yeah right, we talk and talk and talk and ja, nothing happens. He says he will study, but nothing is done. He says he has a few things to ' finish up on the computer' , but ja, here we are, 10 months later. I mean, that damn computer should be the last things on his list of priorities when he is unemployed. I am not unreasonable. I don' t expect him to only sit with his nose in the paper the entire day, but for goodness sake do something. I am not allowed to talk about it, because it depresses him. So what do I do. Does it not depress me that for another year I have to live in a single bedroom flat that we have been talking of moving out of for so long??? I am so depressed and unmotivated I don' t know what to do anymore. My plan for this year is to get all my debt paid off, I recently had surgery and as I don' t have medical aid, I had to pay for it myself. My husband is on a stupid hospital plan and even after 5 years of living together and 16 months of marriage he still has not changed it to proper medical aid and added me to it, so ja, I have to pay the bills. My goal for this year was to do that and move into a house as at some point we would have to start a family. We are both in our 30s and not getting younger. But it is only me that is driven and with all these plans for the future and really doing my utmost to make it happen. All he does is sit by his computer and wait for employment to knock on the door. I understand he is demotivated and does not have alot of confidence to go for interviews or do his own thing like we have discussed so many times. But if your wife and future family and happiness is not what drives you to get confidence from somewhere then I am not sure I still want to be in this relationship. I am ready do move out, not sure where I will go, but I want him to see that he WILL loose me if he does not pull finger soon. What can I do to open his eyes and to get him off his ass.

Please help, I cannot take it any more.

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Our expert says:
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You're right that he certainly won't find any jobs without looking for them, and while his experience could stuill help him find a good job, the longer he remains unemployed, the more any prospective employer will worry about why that was. If he is saying that prospective employers would want him to have additional experience of other cumputer programs, well, coul;dn't he try to learn about those, in various ways ? And spend time on such learning, rather than on what sounds, essentially, like computer games ? Is there any possibility of either or both of you finding some source of basic counselling, perhaps through your church, or check out what Lifeline and FAMSA might suggest ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ticked off | 2009/01/13

Thank you CS, for your reply. I will definitely try and go and speak to someone.

I must apologize, I meant 2008 not 2007. But still, it is a long time.

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