Posted by: Deidre | 2009/05/10

husband not interested in sex

I have been married for 10 years. My husband is affectionate, is never home late, but is not hightly sexed. When we were first married - I was the one to initiate sex all the time, but did not realize it until we had been together for some time. he really loves me it is obvious to all, but is not hightly sexed at all. once a week if that, is fine for him. If I initiate sex - he is quite willing and able, but if not - it just doesnt happen. Is this normal? are there any tablets one can buy over the counter to increase his libido?
Would appreciate your help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There is a great deal of variability in libido, for men and for women and a discrepancy is quite common. Even though the assumption is that men are always ready for sex, in a world with high stress levels and acceptance of natural variation this is not always so. As long as he has no physical cause for a reduced libido, such as low testoterone, the side effect of a drug (prescription or recreational), or any other physical disorder, then it may be accounted for by psychological factors, including high stress, inhibition/embarrassment about sex, or accounted for by normal variation. In many cases this discrepancy just needs to be manage, including reducing stress levels, addressing his inhibition (if relevant) and repriorising couple time and intimacy. It is also important to think through if there are any other sexual issues (ie. if he doesn't feel that he is satisfying you, or maybe suppresses his sexual urges for fear that it will disgust you...?). Unfortunately there is nothing I know of on the market which has undergone rigorous scientific testing to increase libido. It can be very frustrating having to initiate all the time, and this could be discussed with him. If you feel this is problematic (i.e. once weekly is not enough to satisfy you), then perhaps discuss seeing a sexologist with him to how such a discrepancy could be better managed...

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/19

My husband is on Paxil and one of the ' Very common'  side-effects is ' sexual dysfunction' . He is totally addicted to this stuff, which he admitted once, and not interested at all in trying to go off this medication or to try alternative medication without these side-effects. His excuse is always that he tried other medication and that Paxil is the only stuff that works for him and he can’ t function without them. He has been on Paxil for years now. Is it ethical for a doctor to just keep on renewing his subscription for years on end without any valuation in-between to see if the patient still needs this medication? If I initiate sex it just doesn’ t happen. He is capable to get an erection but not interested in sex at all. Are there any medication one can buy over the counter to increase his libido?
Would appreciate your help.

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