Posted by: jinx | 2008/12/30


We have been together for 18 years - had great sex life till about 7 years ago. Everything changed! He started his own biz and today he lost everything. He cared more about his staff than me! Currently on a roller coaster of emotions, and now says that he is not in love with me, but he loves me. I am a little confused. He is seeing a therapist, but he does not seem to be serious. All this makes me confused - and now he has also started to drink. So when he is drunk he is a little aggressive.... Is this normal?

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Our expert says:
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Hi Jinx

Marriages go through rough patches often when men go through huge stress. We find it difficlut to express our emotions, so I am glad he is seeing a therapist. Men see themselves streotypically as providers and when we can't do that anymore, our egos take a battering and men often choose "exits", one of them typically being alcohol.

It seems his self esteem and self image have been beaten somewhat, so he will sink into himself.

Alcohol, unfortunately, can make people aggressive.

People's "value" is often bound up in the value we see adding to other's lives.

Sex is a very intimate thing and will take huge dips when people suddenly find themselves with the responsibilty of not only caring for themselves and their families, but also for others too.

What he is going through is "normal" for an abnormal situation. If possible, try to speak to him when he is not drinking about your concerns.

We cannot stay in an eteranl "in love" state, love grows, deepens and changes, but it remains a constant. It must be hard for you to hear him saying this.

How old are you both?

I suggest you try to get hold of a book called "The Irritable Male Syndrome" by Jed Diamond or visit There is very useful info there and questionnaires that your husband can fill out.

Mike Lacey-Smith
Life Coach for Men

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jinx | 2009/01/19

Thank you for your reply.

We are in our 40' s. I think that he is in a denial state, whereby he seems to block out everthing, but he does try hard. Perhaps he should move out and stay on his own and sort himself out. ITs very difficult for me at the moment.

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