Posted by: brin | 2007/11/28

husband help

My husband is a very sexualy active man sometimes I think he has an addiction. Here lately we have been having alot of problems because he needs lots of physical effections and I am pushing him away. I was sexualy abused as a child and a lot of the feelings I did not deal with for some reason have decided to surface. I have never told my husband of the details. He knows it happened just not everything envolved. He has gone so far to thinking I might be cheating on him. I have no labido and I can't even get over the fustration just to do it for him. Every night it is the same thing, we put the kids to bed and he tries to cuddle up next to me and I push him away. Then he goes into "I need to get it somewhere". What can I do to save my marriage? I have told him that this is because I am dealing with things from my child hood but I still feel pushed.

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Our expert says:
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It's nver an addiction, it's a behaviopur, perhaps some bad habits, but not an addiction ( calling it an addiction is a favourite ploy of guys who behave badly and want to avoid taking personal responsibility for the choices they make. Some people become much more demanding sexually when they are under stress for some other reason, and they're using sex as a handy form of stress relief ( which may not be entirely considerate of their partner ).
Now, on the other hand, as in your situation, some people who were abused as children may find that effects of that experience return to them later in life, maybe when some aspects of a situation echo what originally happened. And ther are many possible reasons both for increased and for decreased libido.
SOme thoughts --- DON'T try to deal with these things from your childhood entirely on your own, but see a good common-sense, preferably CBT-oriented shrink for therapy / counselling to deal with these matters effectively and efficiently. And why not also get into marriage counselling with your husband so you can each understand the other rather better, and sort things out as your own therapy progresses ?

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