Posted by: Devastated Mom | 2008/08/25

Husband got physical in front of toddler

My husband and I had an argument and it got completely out of hand, and then he started hitting me because I pointed at him, while he was hitting me my 1yr9month old son looking on and screaming in absolute horror!! He was punching my head,kicking me, pulling my hair and choking me. I cant believe that my son' s terrified screams couldnt even snap my husband out of his rage and attach on me!. I am devastated and my sons terrified little face keeps flashing in my mind over and over again. My husband has hit me once before when I was 5months pregant with my son, and I reported it to the police but I was stupid or maybe too vulnerable to leave at the time. It never happened again after that , and I told him that if it ever happened again that I would leave because I refuse to accept physical abuse, I WILL NOT STAY in that marriage, I refuse to go back to him after what he has done to me and what he let my innocent son witness. My son loves his Daddy so much, how do I go through with leaving him, which I know is the right thing to do, without hurting my child in the process. I wanted to leave without telling my husband, but I thought that it might just leave things hostile between us and that wont be good for the negotiating about how we will make the situation work best to suit our son when I leave. Do I leave today and forget about how it will affect any possibility of an amicable situation between us for my son' s sake or do I handle it differently? Plse help

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Our expert says:
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Leave, perhaps after consulting POWA or some similar group, so as to protect yourself and your child. A child is almost always harmed to some extent by witnessing such abuse ; they are not generally harmed by being removed from the source of such violence. And get a protection order. And don't readily believe promises not to do it again --- such promises are rarely kept

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Our users say:
Posted by: Adult | 2008/08/26

Hi there

Leave him today before he kills you and your kid. I grew up with a violent father and saw him beating my mother and my brothers. I' m 42 and have had to have years of counseling. He killed himself eventually (and we are grateful that he died if only that it ended the abuse). I do not thank my mom for staying in this marriage because of what it did to her and us kids, but she was financially dependent on him, had parents of the old school and there was no POWA. Please get out. It does not get better. The first time he hits you is the end. I have never married or had kids due to my experience although I am now in a good relationship with a man that does not abuse women. Your kid won' t thank you and you have a way out. There is help out there. Start over and get a good lawyer to make sure there are ground rules he has to abide by in the divorce. This comes with all the sincerity in the world. You go girl - And I mean GO NOW.

Reply to Adult
Posted by: MrB | 2008/08/25

Leave, the law can help you with your Son. please also report the matter to the police again.
If you stay, he " WILL"  hit you again. and that is not what you want for yourself or your son. The fact that he hit you when you were 5 months is a real concern and should always be a reminder that you could have lost your son.

Good luck...

MrB (A Man against abuse)

Reply to MrB
Posted by: Rosey | 2008/08/25

Good for you, Devastated Mom! You inspire me - you are right to say it' s intolerable and you' re getting out. I agree with everyone - do so immediately. You can see a therapist who can help you decide how and if to allow this man to have a relationship with your baby boy. But in the meantime, just get out and far away.

I' m proud to hear you were not blinded by love in this instance. Excellent.

Reply to Rosey
Posted by: Curious | 2008/08/25

I saw my father beating my mother when I was about 5. I am now 60 and it is something I still remember.

Please leave him today, it will only get worse and as he seems to completely loose control do you really want your child to witness your murder? Sorry, I am being dramatic but this is really serious.

Get help and leave.

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Lin | 2008/08/25

By not leaving you' re hurting your little boy more. Please make the decision and leave asap before he starts hitting your boy!

Reply to Lin
Posted by: Ivy | 2008/08/25

You LEAVE today, please do!! This buffalo does NOT deserve to be in a house with your son and you!! If you do not leave your son WIL be next, like Anon said. If you really love your son, you' ll leave a.s.a.p!

And don' t let him smooth talk you by telling you how sorry he is and that he will never do it again. 1 time = forgivable maybe(hell not even!), 2 times = WRONG!! I don' t care what the situation was, you DON' T hit a woman, even if she deserved it!

Reply to Ivy
Posted by: anon | 2008/08/25

leave today. thankfully your son is still young and wont be affected long term I should think but save him from it happening again. get a protection order from this man. next time it could be your son as well.

Reply to anon

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