Our expert says:
Of course you're devastated. And wise to have full STD / HIV testing - how inconsiderate that to indulge one of his fantasies he was content to risk your life and well-being, as well as happiness. I doubt that the majority of white men have sex with a black woman, but it isn't relevant at all - if the majority of women beat their husbands, would he meekly accept that you should beat him too ? However many people do a foolish or dangerous thing, that doesn't make it a good thing to do.
That he claims to be racist isn't surprising - I suspect there are really grubby parts of his fantasies, and back in the bad days of Old Apartheid when any form of sex across the colour bar was illegal, its remarkable how many right-wing politicians and dominees were prominent among those who got arrested.
If you feel the mariage could be worth preserving, surely proper marriage counselling is called for. Otherwise a consultation with a good divorce lawyer.
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