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Posted by: stacey | 2004/12/17

husband

hi there i want some advice here please. my husband has to friends great guys but they come to his office daily after work and procedd to drink three bottles of vodka before either calling it a day or coming back to our house and carrying on. my husband is thrity and has been told he has a liver problem and should slow down. they also sometimes just disappear and when i call they answer and say where they are and are leaving now when i call back there is no answer. i have found them at strip clubs before and the other day they were in a pub, but i sat in my car spying with some friends when they decided to leave they were accompanied by two women whom ""they were taking home" as they had no transport albeit with a botlle of vodka and 2 cokes which they had purchased from the pub as it was this girls birthday, i drove straight up as they were about to get in the car and made a scence which prompted my husband to throw his toys out the cot and jump all over my new bmw which now looks like crap with all the dents. then i get told he was only having fun and i have nothing to worry i should stop chasing him and seeing what he is up to this infuriates me am i right in saying this... help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If your husband is 30 and has a real liver problem, then heavy drinking could guarantee that he doesn't reach 30. Vodka seems to be the preferred drink of people who want to pretend that they don't drink, or that they drink far less than is actually the case. He is being childish and foolish, seriousl risking his health, and playing like a child rather than behaving like a grown man and husband.
I would see a good lawyer, and first force him to pay for all repairs to your car which he damaged, then seriously consider divorce. Check on the reality ( not just what he says ) of the sitation regarding the house, etc. You're not doing your children any favours by letting them see how badly an infantile man can behave.
And do is right too --- sue him for as much as you can get ( if it cuts down on how much booze he can afford, it coul;d even save his life). And no man with innocent behaviour would have thrown such a violent tantrum when you discovered him with the other woman. Consider the risk of STDs / AIDS from a promiscuous husband --- and such a drunk can't practice safe sex, even if he intends to.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SS | 2004/12/17

Well, I think you should go ahead then and divorce him. Get yourself a good lawyer. He doesn't deserve you and he definitely is not a good dad. The law will protect you. Remember, you will have to keep the kids and with his behaviour and drinking problem the Family Advocate should investigate whether it will be a good idea or not for the children to spend weekends/holidays with him without supervision. Are you married in or out of community of property? You can claim maintenance and also you can claim maintenance from him while the divorce is still pending by means of a Rule 43 application (should he decide to become clever and try not to look after you and your kids during this period financially). Oh, and another thing, I have seen many woman being dominated by their soon-to-be ex husbands telling their wifes that they will get nothing and that they will take the children and so on and so on. Don't listen to this. You have your rights and stand by them. He won't be able to do these things to you. I have been divorced now for just over two months and I also have children. I still cry almost every day - but believe me - there still is life after divorce - and a great one too.

Reply to SS
Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/17

Good for you, Same story! I wish more women could see things the way you do. (o:

Stacey: What's your point? You both own the house. Throw his stuff out and start owning the house alone. Why would you want to move yourself or the kids? None of you did anything wrong.

I'm sorry it makes you feel mad, but you'll have to start taking control of your own life. Stop making excuses for this louse and get on with making YOURSELF happy.

Again, CONGRATULATIONS Same story. (o:

Reply to lulu
Posted by: do | 2004/12/17

Stacy, please don't be silly girl, this a$$ hole obviously does not deserve you or your kids. If he is going drinking with his buddies instead of spending quality time with his family, well then throw out the trash. I don't think you should move, sue him for the house and maintainance for the kids. You must realise if his reaction was to jump all over your car, when you caught him with another woman, it was not just "good clean fun"!! he is most certainly screwing around. Do you want to risk getting AIds or STDs from him, and by the sounds of it he will probably acuse you of screwing around.
Think of what this is all doing to your kids. Is better for them to grow up without having a dad around 24/7, and be happy contented children, or is it better for them to grow up with both parents, in house where the atmosphere is miserable, the dad is a drunk and and the two of you are fighting often????

Think about it!!

Reply to do
Posted by: Same story | 2004/12/17

If he wants to behave like an imbecile, then treat him like one. My husband of 10 years started pulling the same stunts...and I also convinced myself he'll get over it and it's not fair on the kids, warrah warrah.

Until the day I caught him in my bed with a REALLY filthy cheap ho that wasn't even worth the sheets she was cumming on! That was that! I had ENOUGH! I told him to peace off. He came home one day to find that I had had all the locks changed. He was screaming and swearing at me from outside and he even slept on the doorstep that nite, but i wouldn't let in in and I still haven't let him in. I have now been successfully divorced for 3 years and I can't be happier and niether can my kids. They've really blossomed without his negative influence.

Don't be a fool my sweet. You and your children deserve the best, not the worst. You are better off without such an insect in your lives!

Sterkte!

Reply to Same story
Posted by: STACEY | 2004/12/17

I HAVE GIVEN HIM THAT OPTION HE SAYS IF YOU WANNA GO THEN GO BUT UNFORTUNATLY WE BOTH OWN THE HOUSE WE HAVE KIDS AND I DONT THINK IT IS FAIR FOR ME TO UP AND START MOVING THEM AROUND TILL I FIND A HOUSE, GOSH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IT MAKES ME SO MAD AND AS A RESULT I AM ON MEDICATION FOR STRESS..

Reply to STACEY
Posted by: SS | 2004/12/17

You will have to decide whether you deserve being treated this way or not (and off course not!). I think that you will have to take action. Either you can try and get him to go to counselling with you. If he refuses, maybe you could summons him for a divorce. It doesn't mean that if you summons him that you have to divorce him because you can always withdraw the summons again or just not set it down for a hearing. Maybe this will open his eyes and see what he can loose. This of course is a big chance to take and you might even loose him. But this is a decicion you will have to make yourself - if you want to take this change. You will have to decide whether you can carry on like this or not. You are still young, remember that.

Reply to SS
Posted by: Jenna | 2004/12/17

Gosh stacey....what are you still doing with this man. Please don't tell me that you are in love with him, no one can love a person who does what he does. You have give him a choice as Bee mentioned 'shape up or ship out'.....

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/17

You must be kidding? If not, I have only this advice: Dump his sorry a$$.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Bee | 2004/12/17

Your husband needs to grow up. He's a married man of 30, not a 20 year old kid! He needs to shape up or ship out.

Reply to Bee

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