Our expert says:
This really doesn't compute. If he has been cheating on you, and for as long as a year, and if he is truly regretful and repentent, then surely ho would see that it is his task both to end all contact with the woman he had the affair with ( whether or not they had previously been friends ) and to prevent his woman acquaintances from sending him any daft messages that might seem more affectionate than they really were ( why DO so many people waste money and stir up problems for others by sending daft flirty emails and SMSs ? ). There is no excuse, if he is being honest and faithful, for him to hide his phone and otherwise keep any of it from you --- he should, if anything, be wanting to let you see that he has nothing to hide.
As kasandra and others say, he is not being at all respectful of your feelings in this. As Orie says, he's making a fuss about your reading messages in his laptop as a smokescreen, and to avoid facing up to his own, much larger, responsibilities.
It worries me that you are giving away far too much power to this guy, as when you say that your life revolves arounf him --- it shouldn't. In a wholesome relationship you don't need to cede so much power to the other person, or to feel so incomplete and lost without them. If, as I guess you have, you've signalled this to him, he knows he can get away with pretty-well anything and you'll still hang around --- that's not a good idea. At least discuss it with your own personal counsellor. If you believe he is genuine here ( and that's a bit like believing in the Easter Bunny ), then get him to join you in relationship counselling, and see how he handles that.
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