Posted by: Angie | 2009/04/14

Hurted by the closest

Up until a year ago I had a friend who was ten years older than me. I’ m 30 yrs now. We met at work and got along very well.
To me she was everything I aspired to be. She was a woman of God, happily married(so I thought) and 2 beautiful kids and a loving husband. I really looked up to her in so many ways and hoped that one day I will marry my boyfriend and have a loving family, something I didn’ t have growing up.

I started feeling uneasy when her friends will slip up and say stuff that I knew I had only told her… ..but still I just didn’ t think she will betray me like that. Also I wanted to apply for another position within the company and asked her what she thought, she shot me down straight. Saying I don’ t have what it takes to do it but said it in “ nice”  way. Still the bells didn’ t ring I mean she was more educated than me and her hubby very rich so why will she be jealous of me. I had confided in her about the fact that I was abused as a child(something I had never told anyone until her) that my mother was never there (she worked in the city) while I stayed with relatives as a result my relationship with my mother was non existence and how that hurts me.

Anyway to cut a long story short then my suspicions were confirmed when one day one of her other friends told me I must be careful of her bc she gossips about me and tell them everything I tell her. Her friend knew everything we spoke about. everything from the abuse, my mother, my fears about my marriage (my parents divorced and I was scared I’ ll end up like my mom). She told them my marriage would never last bc I think I know better but actually I’ m nothing because of my background. What really hurted me was the fact that she was so much better than me why all d nastiness and jealousy.

Anyway I saw her this weekend after about a year  she was all nice and sweet as if nothing ever happened (I eventually just stopped calling her and drifted away from them slowly, and I never confronted her about the gossip. But its our meeting has opened up all the wounds, I got home and I cried so much, it just brought up all the emotions I went thru when I first heard about the gossip. The strangest thing though is that somehow deep down in my heart I miss her, I miss our friendship and the “ good times”  we had. Is this normaly? I could never go back to her again, she really hurted me. How do I move pass this? It’ s like she still has this hold over me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Friendship with her, even if a bad idea, has become a habit for you, and we don't like breaking even bad habits. She has absolutely no hold over you unless you give that to her. See a counsellor, and get involved with other activities and friends.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mom | 2009/04/16

Angie you dont need people like that in your life, she is insecure and can' t see others happy, bringing you down made her day, she' s evil, a devil stay away from people like that.They get a high on other peoples misfortunes and mainly their own lifes are not perfect as they like to make out.

Reply to Mom
Posted by: Angie | 2009/04/15

Thank you all for your responses.

Jody you are so right as after leaving her it came to my light that things weren' t as perfect as she made them to be. Actually they were far from perfect which made me realise also that she had a split personality.....depending on who she was with she will potray a different one. What i' m most happy about though is the fact that my life isn' t even close to a disaster she had said it will. I have gone from streinght to streinght, career wise and family, its not perfect but im definately better than yesteryday and i' m still growing as a person.

Reply to Angie
Posted by: jody | 2009/04/15

Get over it. She would wonder what happened to you. If you feel you can confront her but forget about her as soon as possible. There are many women out there that have money, education, beautiful children and nice husbands but remember rain does not only fall on one roof so somewhere they also have issues. I had friends like that. Actually most of the friends that i had when I was younger were ones that just totally took advantage of my good heart. Eventually you get over them and then one day when they see you, you can actually very clearly notice the jealousy that they still have over you. Just learn out of this and dont trust anyone especially with your intimate secrets. Keep them to yourself. Good luck!

Reply to jody
Posted by: Caron | 2009/04/14

I am so sorry to read about your pain! Gee it must be tough to be betrayed like that! i think you know that she was and will never be a true friend! you will eventually get past this, however, it may take some time. Time heals most hurt, remember that. If you feel that it really is haunting you that much then you should confront her, tell her how you feel but rather call it a day, you are better off without her!

Reply to Caron

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