Posted by: sue | 2008/12/17

hurt and trying to just accept &  move on

I have been seing this guy for almost 3 years and have seen that this relationship was not going to go anywere, so i decided to start packing up my bags and move back home. I am one week away from leaving but his guy is still there to help me with my packing and everything. Yesterday he tells me that he loves me and that he is also sad that i am leaving but still he will not do anything to make me stay. he tells me that the reasons why he couldnt marry me was because of the following:
I have O.C.D and this has pushed him somewhat away from him. i met him when i already had the illness. He told me that he cant handle it anymore.
That i was once so upset that i ended up telling him to marry his sister. He had to take her to the shop in our area, where she spent 4 hours shoping for two small bags. One with potatoe and the other with meat. Mind you, this sister is married and has grown kids with cars as well.
He also told me that he had become afraid to tell me that he is going to visit his sister and brother because i would have a problem. This family members and married with kids and yet he has to be around them. Its like he cant lt go.

I asked him why he didn' t tell me like 2 years ago and his answer was that he has been trying to give me chances to see if i will change. Can anyone tell me what i did wrong and how i should change? I dont htink i want to have another relationship for htis guy to tell me that my illness has pushed him away. Mind you, i told this guy that the next guy i meet i will tell him i have some physical illness and therefore i act that way. i know for a fact that if it was a physical illness, they would pity you and stay with you but when it' s mental, they just want to run far away. why are ppl like that?

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Our expert says:
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Its not clear from your message how well your OCD has responded to treatment, With the right medication PLUS CBT counselling ( which I'd consider essential hear ) you could potentially unlearn all the bad habits of OCD and live a normal life. And if his sister took 4 hours to do so little shopping, I wonder whether she has OCD or at least Obsessive Personality, too. Maybe he is scared, if there is OCD in his family, that together there would be a higher risk of your children also having the disorder ?
Its also not clear what your problem is about him visiting his married family members --- members of families do that --- why is it a problem for you ?
His explanation for not revealing this sooner is unconvincing --- how did he expect you to change from behaviours which suited you though the bothered him, if he didn't tell you about it ?
And as for the physical / psychological issue, some folks are skittish about relating to anyone with any sort of illness, and others aren't

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