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Question
Posted by: Pat | 2007/05/30

Hurt and rejected

Had a mastectomy 14 years ago beem married for 36 years. Husband will not have sex with me since then. I now find him on the internet in the middle of the night on porn site and mastebating is this normal and what should I do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its normal, though obviously upstting. If he stopped having sex with you 14 years ago, he must have made himself sexually frustrated, and this as an outlet is surely preferable to direct infidelity, though hurtful for you. Its sad that at the time help wasn't obtained through the Cancer Association and its related supports for Breast Cancer, to have someone with similar experiences, perhaps also her husband, come to talk with both of you and enable him to recognize that you're exactly as much of a woman as ever you were. It may be a bit late to try this, but still possible and potentially worthwhile.

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Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2007/05/30

i see 2 problems...
1 not having sex with you as result of mastectomy
2 watching porn when not having sex with wife.
obviously the one as result of the others.

in a lot of cases watching porn is considered normal and accepeted, but i do not think it is fair OR normal in your situation.

i really feel sorry for you. is he otherwise supportive of your mastectomy? although i think if he had any supportive nature regarding this he would not make you feel as terrible as i can only imagine you must feel now.

i assume he is doing this in middle of night (hiding) to 'respect' your feelings... but it is still not in any way a gesture that i regard as thoughtful in your situation, and quite selfish.

do you talk to him about this? what does he say? is this not 'better and worse??'

lots of positive thoughts to you...

Reply to rose

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