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Question
Posted by: Lucifer | 2005/12/01

Hurt and confused

A year ago, I was totally smitten by a work colleague. The feelings were mutual and we gradually grew closer and closer. Eventually a little birthday kiss on the lip turned into a full blown(sexual) relationship. We are both married.

I am totally in love with my spouse, but I can't seem to get this person out of my mind. I know that what I'm feeling is so wrong and I'm trying to get it out of my system. We see each other everyday at work and this makes it more difficult.

The hurtful part is that when we are alone together, he makes it seem as if I'm his world. Yet, when others are around, he's very cold. I am beating myself up about this - yet I can't get this guy out of my mind.

Please help me.......I don't want to lose my wonderful relationship with my husband.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What are we supposed to say here ? Infidelity is a bad thing ; office romances are foolish and almost always end in misery ; and adulteryn between married people is a bad thing, too. See a counsellor and stop indulging yourself in fantasies about this sleazt person. You CAN get him out of your mind, its just that so far you don't really seem to want to do so.
Some comments use harsh words, but what you have freelly chosen to do is exactly the situation to which such words usually are applied.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lucifer | 2005/12/08

Hi Guys

Thanks for the advice on this problem. Yeah, some of you guys really know how harshly to get a point accross. I may seem cheap to some of you, but believe me when in the situation, it's a whole new ball game. I am trying very hard to get away from this guy - even looking for another job.

I certainly AM NOT gonna throw away my marraige for SEX with someone else - NEVER!!!!!!

Reply to Lucifer
Posted by: Scrooge | 2005/12/01

I Agree 100% with whattodo. If youre husband meant anything to you,you would not hurt him like this. I actualy hope You make up youre mind before he finds out.If he doesn't already know, because If he is anything like me ,it will brake him appart.You are unbelievebly CHEAP!!!!

Reply to Scrooge
Posted by: SR | 2005/12/01

Lucifer = as a wise woman once said, if you can wake up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror and smile then you are doing what makes you happy but if not then someone else is running your life and not you.

Understand what it is that makes you unhappy about your marriage and address that. It's most probably the lack of attention by your husband.

Ask yourself "If I were not married would I give this guy a second thought?" He occupies your mind because of the wild risky moments you have and those images haunt you. Would you leave your husband for this guy and would he leave his marriage for you? I think not .....

Why are you feeling bad about it in the first place? You falling "In love with him?"

Reply to SR
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/12/01

It never ceases to amaze me how many people have affairs. What the hell? Does marriage, commitment and true love not mean anything anymore? I'm beginning to believe I am a naive romatic idealist. How can you hurt your husband like this? Ironically you are also hurting yourself. Be careful, if he finds out you are going to be all alone as this other guy doesn't care about you. Life will bite you if you don't make up your mind and stop hurting others.

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/01

Oh dear! Such harsh words. However, I do agree that what you are doing is not right in any way whatsoever and you need to stop and take a good hard look at yourself, your needs and what you are doing to the man you are married to and supposedly love.

You know very well that this work collegue is using you, and you are putting your marriage in jeopardy.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Dove | 2005/12/01

If you don't want to lose your husband, stop being a whore

Reply to Dove
Posted by: VM | 2005/12/01

Intersting choice of name....

What you doing is very worng, your poor husband deserves better, you are going to have to choose what you want, and stick to it.

Reply to VM
Posted by: Anon | 2005/12/01

You a cheap slut and should be ashamed, you talk about a wonderful relationship with your husband but you sleep around with another man and than still end up being confused about it.
You are so stupid that you dont realise what you doing and what could happen if your husband finds out.
This other guy is just f#cking you when he gets a chance, he has a wife to go home to....face it your just his B!tch at work.

I HOPE THIS OPENS YOUR EYES.

Reply to Anon

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