Posted by: Orie | 2004/11/29

Huby hides dagga in our house

We've been married for 5 months now. Hubby used to smoke dagga a while back but stopped. On Saturday , he started acting strange, he did'nt show any respect for me .he became a different person. I asked him to wait for me as I wanted to get my handbag from the house. When I came out ,the car was gone , he was gone. He told me that we're better off without each other out of the blue. he also told me that he's sick and tired of me watching all over him like a hawk. That's because he told me he's going to a shop around the corner and 3 hours later he was'nt back home , so I callled to find out where he was, out of concern, not spying on him. He then told me he's going to a party with or without me . I could see he was unusually drunk and I wanted to get hold of the car keys. I searched his pockets and when I felt something. he became defensive and pushed me away. I tried again to get to the back pocket but he would'nt let me. He ran to the bathroom and came back and told me that there was nothing in his pocket. I ran to the bathroom, locked the door and checked, and I found a paper with dagga wrapped in it and a Rizzla pack . I asked if he is smoking again and he said yes and I asked him for how long , he told me he never stopped smoking. I've been under the impression that he stopped years ago but he never stopped ( he sometimes smoke). The worst part is that he keeps one joint in the car, under the spare wheel and the remaining dagga he keeps at home in the ceiling in our bedroom (thorugh trapdoor). I'm angry for being lied at as well as hiding illegal substances in our home without me knowing about. I drive that car as well, what if I could be in road block and they discover dagga in my car without my knowledge ? Am i being unreasonable here? Should I forget the things he said to me and believe it was just dagga talking ? He's generally the best hubby I could ever have except when he had something to drink , then he loses a little bit of respect for me .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Weed and alcohol are complicating things, but Dude's probably right that the main issue here is the deception, and the fact that he felt it necessary to deceive you --- and that he is indeed to some extent placing you at added risk, even without you knowing about it earlier. When the dagga and/or the alcohol is talking, what gets said may be sincere or not, it's just harder than usual to tell. Any chance of talking him into joining you in marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/29

Big up's dude for the advise given here.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Dude | 2004/11/29

Hi there...

I can relate to ur situation slightly - respect... if ur man is going to abuse weed then he could have at least been honest to u about it... it would explain why he is gone 4 a few hours at a time... maybe he goes out and gets stoned and comes down before he gets back home... maybe he could have been honest with u from the start because although weed is an issue here... the dishonesty seems to be the real issue for u... trust is really hard to maintain in our social climate so this is a bit of an eye opener for u... I would suggest u guys go get some council before things go to pair shaped... sounds like a new marriage as well... sometimes people lie to themselves and think that a ring might change there lives but the lie is that change starts within...

sorry to hear that he is doing all this behind ur back... it's a bit self centred if u ask me, and the risk of being caught at a road block etc is a very real one...

best of luck

Reply to Dude

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