Posted by: KaraboG | 2008/06/12

Hubbys Cell phone

My husband recently put a security code on his cellphone because I was constantly reading his messages, this is stressing me a lot. I want to confront him about it but, how should I go about doing so because this is his personal phone he can do whatever he wants with it.

Please help me CS

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Our expert says:
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Again, CONFRONTATION usually backfires, compared with a calm chat. That you were going through his phone at all, and feel so indignant that he has now prevented that suggests something not right in this relationship, and maybe some marige counselling would be valuable. Why did and do you feel compelled to sneak through his messages ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: jinx | 2008/06/20

Take it from me, when your husband /wife is defensive about a cell phone, then there is a problem. I personally don't sms private things to my friends, I phone them....

Reply to jinx
Posted by: Understand | 2008/06/18

I understand completely, living with suspicion makes one sick and you do things and check up on your husband because in your heart you hope that you are mistaken. I went threw the exact same thing and am now divorced because of his affair. His affair broke me and my children but we are healing. I think that once he put a security pin that proved his guilt. Never in my life do I want to distrust someone like that again. Anon - are you human?

Reply to Understand
Posted by: Zola | 2008/06/13

Agreed...secrets NO, privacy YES.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/13

figment and u know something about marriage ,freaking idiot,listen here being married does not meant u have to give u stop being an independent person everyone has their right privacy its a human right why does she want to take that away from him and am also a woman,thats why men complain and say we suffocate them cos we dnt give them space leave his phone alone please

Reply to anon
Posted by: nna | 2008/06/13

U have no right to go through his phone

Reply to nna
Posted by: FIGMENT | 2008/06/12

Hey Gals And Guys if he has a security pin on he's phone ...You won't be able to take the sim out and use it in a different phone....secondly that is a bit perculiar with him having a security pin on he's phone UNLESS he gives the pin to you and Anon you don't have to be so harsh cos clearly you don't know much about marriage!!!!!!! There should'nt be secrets between husband and wife.....

Reply to FIGMENT
Posted by: ALTO - HATER | 2008/06/12

Seems to me Anon is protesting to much, must be the famous ALTO making a comeback. Same foul lingu use.

Reply to ALTO - HATER
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/12

am not irritating am just realistic,u piece of crap

Reply to anon
Posted by: Me | 2008/06/12

There was a person called AFTO here some time ago, she was just as irritating as Anon.....

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2008/06/12

Would following your husband around be OK...coz he has nothing to hide? Just as you would give him his space by not following him around, give him space by not reading his messages. I find that when my bf is making jokes with his friends, they can be very disgusting like "wet dreams" instead of "sweet dreams". and I don't want to be reading stuff like that, so I leave his phone alone so that he can still be free to share disgusting jokes to his friends. And I also don't want him reading stupid messages I am sending to my girlfriends. It would be just such an uncomfortable relationship with Big Brother constantly watching you.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Anti-love | 2008/06/12

Oh my, Anon, a bit harsh there?

Reply to Anti-love
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/12

exactly u said it its his own personal item get a freaking life and stop snooping u know u married a cheat give the guy a break he needs his privacy go and do ur nails or something ur pathetic u have no shame i hope he is cheating ur an idiot u should not have trust issues in marriage otherwise divorce

Reply to anon
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/06/12

Maybe you should not be going thru his phone - husband or not, he has the right to privacy. I would HATE it if my hs went thru my messages, not because I have something to hide. If I want to share anything with him, I will show him or tell him. Snooping around and checking on yr husband's cell is not okay - IF and I say IF he is cheating, you will find out - if you give him enough rope he will eventually hang himself. Why torment yourself by going thru his phone? No matter how long you have been married, he is as entitled to his privacy as you are. You might think he is cheating and has something to hide, but maybe he is tired of your snooping and therefore has put the code in. You are making him behave like a "skelm" - just leave it alone - as I said before, if you give him enough rope, he will hang himself in other words, if he is cheating, you will find out somehow. There is always someone, somewhere that knows something and if he is up to no-good, you will find out. Good luck and leave his phone alone. Has it ever occured to you that he is doing it simply to pee you off? You should adopt a "don't care" attitude, it works sometimes.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: DUDU | 2008/06/12

So what is your problem. You have just confirmed that it is his personal phone. Big mistake that you married couples do is you want to control freedom of your spouses. Get a life and have your own personal things to do.I dont even want to anwer his phone to psare myself from unnecessary worries. I have got better things to occupy me.

Reply to DUDU
Posted by: Gentle Voice Of Reason | 2008/06/12

I have to agree with Anon-a-muisie here. Yes we understand everyone has a right to privacy, but if you have nothing to hide, why should there be a problem with your wife going through your phone. If your spouse or partner is hiding his phone, putting pin codes on, putting it on vibrate or silent when he is around you, refuses to answer it when he is around you, refuses to leave it where you might answer it, then you must know something is up. I would do what someone suggested here, take out his sim card put it in another phone and see for yourself if you have reason to be concerned about the security pin. If you do find theres nothing behind it, put your suspicions behind you and dont ever do check his cell phone again, because if you found nothing and you keep checking it, then theres a problem with your ability to trust

Reply to Gentle Voice Of Reason
Posted by: Just me | 2008/06/12

yes, if he's got nothing to hide..why lock it??? He's obviously NOT trustworthy, hence your snooping. I'd do exactly the same what previous poster did...take his sim out when he's sleeping and put in another phone...

Reply to Just me
Posted by: .... | 2008/06/12

My hubby did that as well. I heard that u can take sim out of his phone and use in another phone to avoid security code. I did that and found hubby having affair... that was going on for almost 2 years

Reply to ....
Posted by: Anti-love | 2008/06/12

My motto: those who can't trust shouldn't love!

Reply to Anti-love
Posted by: Anon-a-muisie | 2008/06/12

I know CS's stance on this argument BUT i never agree with him, I have nothing to hide so anyone can check my phone, why lock your phone from your wife unless you dont want her to see things?

Privacy se moer ek se, it's your HUSBAND.

Reply to Anon-a-muisie
Posted by: SR | 2008/06/12

why were you going through his phone in the first place?

Reply to SR

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