Our expert says:
Doing the same thing to him, while maybe a temporarily tempting idea, won't solve the problem at all, and indeed would give him a reason to feel entirely justified in continuing to do this, on the basis that you do it, too.
Isn't this something you need to sit down caplmy and discuss together, with the assistance of either a senior family member or friend, ro a family counsellor, to sort it out ? Obviously he feels both that he needs to support his family and that he is justified in doing so ; he probably feels justified in not telling you about it "to avoid the fuss you'd make about it". The real issues are more about what you as a couple can afford in the way of supporting his family and yours, what the families NEED as opposed to WANT, and the important issue of trust, and mutually agreeing on things like this which affect both of you, and not doing things behind each other's backs.
Maybe its his family, but the money earned within a marriage is for the benefit of both of you.
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