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Question
Posted by: ruth | 2005/01/05

hubby and mother

ladies who are married, what do you do if your hubby listens to his mother in whatever she tells him and he does not listen to you,his mother control him on evrything and even chooses a plece of him to stay, tells him how to use his money,

what do you do if your hubby tells his mother everything that you discuss with him

please advise on how to deal with that situation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: I know how you feel | 2005/01/05

Ruth I understand how you feel.I'm married to a man that is actually suppose to be married to his mom and then to the rest of his family and then his work. I tried talking to him but we end up having a fight everytime.Best of all is, we are still living with his parents and I cant get him to move out. There's always and excuse not to or he blames me for having a problem with his family.

I cant remember when last we spend time alone together.When we do he ends up calling his mom.

Its not nice being in a relationship like this. If I where you, I would get out.

Reply to I know how you feel
Posted by: ANON | 2005/01/05

THIS IS EXCELLENT ADVICE GIVEN BY LIZA. I KNOW, BECAUSE LIKE LIZA AND RUTH, I'M HAVING THE SAME PROBLEM. I'M BUSY DOING WHAT LIZA IS SUGGESTING AND IT'S WORKING BECAUSE MOMMY NOW SEES THE WHOLE STORY DIFFERENTLY, SHE'S BECOME MORE SUPPORTIVE OF ME AND SHE NOW SEES HUBBY MISTAKES AND FAULTS. HUBBY ON THE OTHER HAND, OUT OF HIS OWN, CAME TO ME AND SUGGESTED THAT WE TRY AND "BUILD OUR OWN LIFE AND MARRIAGE" BECAUSE HE THINKS MOMMY HAS TOO MUCH SAY IN IT. HE NOW SUPPORTS ME IN DECISIONS AND DOESNOT DISCUSS IT WITH MOMMY ANY MORE. SO... YES, IT WORKS.

Reply to ANON
Posted by: Liza | 2005/01/05

My hubby was also like that - till I decided to do the same thing to him. I also went and discussed everything with his mom - being very sympathetic and making as if I was listening and was going to follow every piece of advice she gave me. Including on how to handle my hubby in certain situations. (I NEVER however complained to her that he was tied to her apron strings). In this way, you don't interfere with what your hubby is telling his mom - but she gets to hear your side of the story too. There are 2 outcomes to this - either she will end it all and tell both of you that she is not the middleman in your marraige, or he will get upset and realize what he is doing to you - since you're doing it to him too.

Good luck. Till this day my ex-mother-in-law and I are on very good terms with each other. She even supported me when we got divorced (not him). Forge your own relationship with her - don't interfere with his.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: setal | 2005/01/05

Tell your husband why you feel the way you do. Maybe it is cos' you feel a third party is involved in your relationship and is not allowing you guys to make decisions whether right or wrong.

and tell him that you expect support and some behaviour changes.Also,tell him to chat about it to his mother if she has the emotional intelligeince to understand. Your hubby has to make a conscious decision to set things right.Only he can,since if you try it may seem like you are interfering in the bond between mother and son.

Wisdom from older folk can be good to save you from making bad key decisions but there is a limitation to their interference.

Reply to setal

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