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Posted by: moto | 2006/11/14

Hubby a flirt? or wife insecure?

Hubby and I socialise quite a bit, we have a biggish group of friends and do lots together, our kids get on we get on it is really great. My problem is when we go out clubbing hubby tends to wander off and ends up dancing next to really hot chicks. We normally go onto the dance floor as a group and then as soon as I leave to have a sit down or go to the loo hubby moves out of the group and I find him dancing on the other side of the room......I mostly try and ignore this but feel really uneasy inside. When he sees me back on the dance floor he will come over. First I thought I am being paranoid but we went out on Sat and this happened again. The house clubs we go to are frequented by people who do drugs, we go cause we all enjouy the music but do not partake.......reason I am mentioning this is because often these girls are dancing on their own and quite provocatively (no inhibitions). My self esteem has taken a dip cause hubby had an emotional affair (sms) about 2 yrs ago which I found out about...we went for theraphy and I think it is sorted....or maybe this is what is making me feel so insecue??? Am I being over possesive? or is hubby taking advantage of these situations? I dont wanna moan about it and sound like a monalisa BUT.......JUST feel uneasy....any tips/advice

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Our expert says:
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have you calmly discussed this with him ? And asked how he'd feel if you did likewise ? Don't let this bruise your self-esteem, because it's almost ertainly not about you, b ut about a guy who recognizes that he may not be all that attractive to these kids, but likes to feel as if he's a part of that group. Probably the earlier disturbing experience is adding colour to these current concerns of yours. How about a few more counselling sessions together ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Spike | 2006/11/15

Kat, thanks for the feedback :).

I'm not going to start a flame war, but I was just brought up to ensure that I would never sacrifice clarity for brevity. It takes less than a second to hit the backspace key and correct a spelling or punctuation error, especially if you're a fast typist. And this is not exactly fully interactive like MSN chat or Mxit. So that's no excuse.

As far as I am concerned, there's no excuse for poor spelling, grammar or punctuation. If I can learn the rules, then so can everyone else.

Oth3rw153 b4 u knw it wll all b spkng lk ths. Just my .02 :)

Reply to Spike
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

hey spike, well a lot of us type too fast hence the spelling some of us just cant spell and some of us dont bother with punctuation here. each has his own writing style and offten you can tell who is posting just by there writing style. just htought id answer your question.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Spike | 2006/11/14

Insecure married couples are better off staying out of those types of clubs. Those clubs exist for a reason. The main one being that allow people to put themselves on display to other people, and have a good time doing so. 'Good time' being a matter of definition. If it leads to something more, for some of them, even better.

If you're looking for an additional partner for a 3-way or something, fine, but otherwise there's no reason to test your relationship this way. How do your friends' husbands and boyfriends behave?

Lastly: Is it just me, or is everyone else here completely unable to spell and punctuate properly?!

Reply to Spike
Posted by: moto | 2006/11/14

Thanks for the advice guys, some I agree with some I dont but overall it's given me a fresh perspective. You guys are gr8!

Reply to moto
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

i agree with that 100%, i think its safe to say that its each couple to figure out there own weeknesses and stay clear from that and also to realise that what may not be a weekness now could be in years to come.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Delene | 2006/11/14

Kat, Every couple has to do what works for them.


from what ive seen, most couples fight after being to a club about something that never even happened.

My point is just, Married couples especially, must protect themselves more than anything against temptations. We cant walk with glass around us of course. But we shouldnt walk eyes wide open into crap either.

I observe so many relationships going down the drain, just because they dont protect themselves.
When your man has a wondering eye, the last place he should be, is a club.
If you dont handle alcahol well, you shouldnt drink.

These are things we know about ourselves and we can actually make decisions to not make life difficult for ourselves.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

i agree with that, but i will say that if you have a group of married friends that all like to dance but none of them drink much and none of them take drugs what is wrong with going to a club. its better than having a wondering eye whenyou realise that you and your partner dont have fun anymore coz there are a whole different set of rules for married people. i think it depends on the friends you have and the type of couple you are. rather go clubing together than go out clubbing with the boys and visa versa

Reply to kat
Posted by: Delene | 2006/11/14

Kat, that is my belief.
When people like to dance, there are decent places to do so.
wild party's with sexy girls, drugs etc.....what good can come from that?

There are things you do when you are single & things you do when married and Dont do when you are married.
Life does not stop when you are married by no means, however, when you are married, you gotta be selective with where you go & with who. friends are many married couples downfalls. Friends who like to do drugs, are no good and their morals are already questionable.

Drugs, alcahol combined with an environment full of temptation is enough to doom any relationship.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

im not sure i agree with Delene about the whole clubs thing, when your boss hires a hot receptionist is that also asking for trouble. i get what you are say ing about going to find it but there friends seem like nice people who love to dance, i wish i had some of those. i think he does enjoy the attention but i also think he puts you first based on the fact that he only does this when you go sit and when you go back to the floor he comes straight back to you. sounds to me the only reason he dances in the group is coz you are there and he would rather dance with you than with anyone else in particular. keep an eye on it and ask him why he does it, you might even find that he isnt even realy awair of what he is doing but he does it coz its an ego boost without knowing it. he probibly hasnt even given it any thought. but you do however need to work on your trust issues there are still some underlying there. and your selfesteem shouldnt depend on what he is doing. he comes back to you whenever you are there. he wants you........

Reply to kat
Posted by: louise | 2006/11/14

He is a flirt - he is playing the field - why does he need to go to other girls - for what? he is getting a kick out of this...... it does make you feel insecure.... i know...... gotta ask yourself if you want it to be like this for the rest of your life....?

Reply to louise
Posted by: Delene | 2006/11/14

You socialize in the wrong places & with the wrong people.

I know allot of people will disagree with me, but I simply can't understand what married couples are doing in clubs. its like looking for trouble, then when it finds you, you wanna cry.

remember one thing. when you walk bear feet over hot coles, you will burn.

Reply to Delene

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