Posted by: MeMyselfI | 2006/04/21

How to let go of a perfect relationship....

This is going to be long. I am in a relationship with the most amazing man, my soulmate, the one person I have managed to meet in my 36 years that is so similar to me in many ways, Yet I have to let him go and I have no idea how to. We were friends, confidantes when he seperated from his wife 11 months ago. About two weeks before they separated for the last time, she found out she was pregnant. He tried to make the relationship work for the sake of his unborn child, but things were so far gone that it didn't. Subsequently she moved 350kms away to live with her parents where she had the baby. Things between them were quite nasty for a while and she played every game in the book, but they have settled down now and are on friendly terms. He was there for the birth of his baby and has been going every second weekend. All his life he has wanted to be a father and now that he is, he cannot bare to see his child every second weekend and is seriously considering giving up his career, our relationship to try and make a doomed relationship work so that he can be with his baby, be the type of father he has always wanted to be and in so doing make sure that no other man has the opportunity to raise her. This has been such an emotional rollercoaster and there have been so many times lately where we have sat down and both cried because we know that we have to let go. How do I let go, how do I stop trying to protect him and stop trying to convince him that going back for the sake of his daughter would be a mistake. Many times he has asked me if I would not give up everything for my son, and yes I probably would, but I also know that realistically I need to be happy to be the best mom I can be. I how do I just let go...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

O think that the very concept of a "soul-mate" causes problems.

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Our users say:
Posted by: another one | 2006/04/21

hi there. i am 20 years old and lived with parents who got back together and married because my mother was pregnant. My dad is 13 years older than my mom, which is hectic and maybe that put pressure on them to walk down the isle. But i can tell you, they were never happy. My childhood memories are filled with ....i dont even know because i can hardly remember anything. All i want to say is i CAn remember telling my dad when i was about 10 or 11 years old that i wished with all my heart they could get divorced and move on with their lives and let me and my baby sister move on too. They finally did it when i was 15. took them years to come to their senses. there are many other factors relationing to staying together for the child ofcourse, that is a given, but then THINK about that child. two happy homes are better than one unhappy or unpleasant one.
To MeMyselfI: dont let go. grip on

Reply to another one
Posted by: kat | 2006/04/21

if it is meant to be it will be all we have is HOPE there is no write or wrong it is what it is. just HOPE

Reply to kat
Posted by: Eternal | 2006/04/21

Is there a reason that you cannot become pregnant if he is that desperate to be a father. There is a saying that goes ... If you love someone let them go .. if they come back, they are yours ... if not, it wasn't meant to be.

I am sorry about your situation, and your right, for him to go back only for the sake of his daughter is wrong. But you must let me make his own mistakes and be there to pick him up when he falls. BUT, don't wait forever. You have the right to happiness and love. Don't let him play you.

Reply to Eternal
Posted by: Frusty | 2006/04/21

Oh my goodness! Well, let me put this question to you first - would he be prepared to let his child do what he is considering doing i.e. give up her happiness for her child? He know the relationship is not going to work, and what kind of lesson is that going to teach the child? I speak from experience when I say that it is not the right thing to do. He is out of the relationship and should stay that way. He can still be a fantastic father, and probably will be a better one if he stays out of the relationship with his ex, than if he resumes it. Going back to her, or re-marrying her, is not going to make him a good father. It is what he shows his child as an example to live by and what he teaches it, as well as loving it.

Don't give up just yet. I wish you happiness and peace.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Not easy | 2006/04/21

I remember when I met my hubby. He was involved with someone for 4 years at that stage and when we met she was pregnant. Her pregnancy caused alot of confusion. He was also there with the birth of his child and he decided to moved back in with her. He was with her for 2 week and we got back together. He was confused and bacause of the child wanted to be there for her and the child, but at the end he came back to me. It was a very difficult time and he realised that the child was not going to change their relationship. I also remember me & him crying. Today we are married for 10 years.

Reply to Not easy

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