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Question
Posted by: Worth-it? | 2007/03/08

How to help him get over his ex

I met one of the sweetest guys about 3months ago. I usually took this train but he (lets call him H) only started taking the train in round about Nov last year. Even before he started taking the train I would find myself checking out guys and then find myself thinking "wow, he's nice" etc etc. Anyway..I've always been straight to all my friends but since I started seeing H on the train I've been getting very weird emotional feelings. For me being a Rugby player and a huge guy it's not always easy to get intouch with ones emotional side and I found it quite confusing at first. Now that I started speaking to him (he told me bout this awesome site - as he put it) and that there's alwayas a lot of info on here. So here's the deal. I like him, I AM GAY and I told my mom that I am interested in a guy on a more personal level. ironicly our parents (or in my case, our moms) handled the situation the same way. She cool with it and cant wait to meet him.
Here's the problem though. He's been with a guy for almost 5-6 years on and off. He's really broken over this guy and I am very sorry for him. Seeing him some days in the train staring into nothingness really gets one down. I want to know how can I make him forget his ex? The ex is gone, he cant come between us because he's far away. I dont want to presure him but I just want to let him know that when he sits there with the camels bobbing up and down in his hand - I know he's thinking bout his ex. But please Booooooogie...Give me a go. I sit and think about you all the time on the train. I'll treat you like gold and shower you with silver. You a gorgeous guy and you got the most beautifull smile ever!

I hope that you read this and that i can expect a reply.
Ciao Gareth

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Worth-It, welcome to the forum and thanks for this post.

Sadly you can't 'make' someone get over someone else - your friend from the train will need to mourn his loss in his own way and at his own pace. It sounds as if you're already creating a sense of a 'relationship' between you which is beautifully romantic but you need to earth yourself in reality.

I notice that H's ex partner has responded to you and it appears as though he has no intention of obstructing your developing a relationship with H. And H has responded today as well (see his original post); sadly, he intends going overseas but the field is open to your developing a great friendship before he leaves.

The most important person in this scenario is you - take care of your own feelings.

Anon you may want to lay off the chems for a while but Nikki raises an interesting point: how do we feel about the word "queen"? I personally think it depends on who's using the word..... how do others feel about this?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Junior | 2007/03/12

To Expert:

I don't like the word queen when using it to refering to all Gay people. I prefer the words"Gay or Queer", but this is a personal preference. Queen when used broadly to refer to Gay people implies that all Gay people are effemitive, which is not the case. Whether used by a Homosexual or Heterosexual person, the word is a disciminatory term. I think that it is more acceptable when being used to descibe a Homosexual person who is effemitive.

Reply to Junior
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/09

Anon and Another Anon

Sadly I take acception to your degrading reference to QUEENS :(

AA your particular reference to trash watching trash is NOT how we do things here OK!

Can I suggest you guys have a good look at furthering your knowledge then to bash other people who happen to be DIFFERENT then you are? No dammit!!!!.

Are we not getting enough of this from the *&^% God-fearing "Christian" society???

SHAME ON YOU !!!!

(eXpert??? I am correct or not) ??

No kisses
Nikki

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: Gareth (The forum one) | 2007/03/09

Anon, it indeed DOES sound like you are tripping, hehe. Lay off the drugs mate.
Gareth(Worth-It) I think it is great that you care so much for H. Getting over someone especially if you have been together for a long time, is never easy. So if you want all of him, you will have to be patient. Be a good friend and confidant to him - like you have been, show him that you care for him. H, if you do read this, you really are a lucky guy to have someone care for you this much, so even though you are hurting right now, do not let this slip through your fingers. Why don't you guys try to spend a little more time together, other than on the train. Maybe go for a dinner or something, and use the time to talk, and get to know each other. But let things take it's natural course, and maybe things will work out great.
Best of luck guys, and let us know how it is going from time to time.

Reply to Gareth (The forum one)
Posted by: Another Anon | 2007/03/08

JerrY JerrY JerrY Anon you should be on the Jerry Springer show, trash watching trash doing trashy things to ther trash.

Reply to Another Anon
Posted by: Kyle | 2007/03/08

LOL

Reply to Kyle
Posted by: Anon | 2007/03/08

Mmmmmmm ?? Ugh? Guys I think we have a problem here but help me, I may still be tripping a bit (sorry Expert)... but does it sound as if we have two bottoms here, trying to make something work? They BOTH sound like bttm guys, in fact ALL THREE sound like bttm guys!!!! Could I be wrong? <she wonders aloud> I doubt it. What's needed here is a very hung top to sort everyone out, once and for all, and they'll know exactly where they stand. TOO too too much sentimental nonsense here, they may love each other but they just couldn't bang any sense ito each other. They all sound like queens <she thinks, again aloud, this time payed by Ms Streep> who need to be solidly shagged. To get over the mushy mess and banged into reality. Hello?? hELLoo?? HElllllll- OOOO? And another thing, why are all three queens being so damned nice to each other? Makes me wanna vera darlings, big time, I bet they HATE each others' guts. VERA VERA VERA you naughty queens!!! Rather just be honest, OK? And forget this romantic train scene, that was done in the 50's - to oblivion!!!! In the days when Judy Dench still had perky boobs. SO NO MORE of this nonsense romantic poetry boys please, I beg you - just be HONEST! And Expert HOW are you coping with all this trash they throw at you?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Giving my blessing | 2007/03/08

Gareth... I am happy for you. GO FOR IT!! This is H's ex. Replying from a land far far away. H needs to move on. And I understand that he's hurt. This was a tough relationship for us both. We had different goals, different life opportunities, and it clashed. Our paths have just led in opposite directions. But I am really overjoyed to know that there is someone out there who is willing to take my place, and perhaps do a better job at it than what I did. And I would NEVER come between you two since I am moving on with my life, and I'm being realistic with the whole situation. I am indeed far far away, and there are other fish in the sea that one day I will meet. I give you my blessing bro. Its not easy for H or myself to let go, but I would only be glad for H to develop a relationship with someone as decent as you (from what I read you seem like a great guy). Just don't break his heart. You go get him China!!

Reply to Giving my blessing
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/03/08

Worth-It
You off to a good start. Communication.

Never easy to catch a guy who is on a re-bound so be careful about it.

I would suggest stick to general talk and chatter. Once you see he is at ease invite him for a coffee but steer clear of rushing things into anything other then a FRIENDSHIP.

Maybe things work out.

Mmmm which train you riding on, perhaps I should catch a ride and I am not on a re-bound ..... LOL (only joking OK) But you sound a nice sincere guy and who gets you will be one lucky man.

Goodluck
xxxxxxxx
Nikki

Reply to Nikki

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