Posted by: Saida | 2008/07/18

How to help

My friend and her husband have been married for many years. They have 3 wonderful children that are out of the house already. My friends husband keeps on cheating on her, with different women. When she tries to leave him, he threatens to kill him self which scares her allot. Then he always manages to sweet talk him self back into her heart. But lately it has become very bad. He has a girlfriend and keeps on telling my friend how much he loves the both of them. He sweet talk both women. (Oo the other women is also married) My friend is in a state understandable.. She tried to suggest counselling to him but he refuses and see no problem. He is also a very difficult person and stubborn. How can I help as an outsider? My heart breaks every time I speak to her!

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Our expert says:
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If he keeps on cheating with different women, he is risking his wife's life as well as happiness. She should not submit to his blackmail and threats to harm himself, but should protect herself. This is an abusive relationship, and she should perhaps see a personal counsellor to gain self-esteem and make the best choice for herself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kay | 2008/07/18

unfortunately your friend is the only one that can help herself - you can give support to her but she also needs to hear the truth i.e. she needs to know that she is allowing him to treat her like this so what does she honestly expect. if a child put their hand a stove top and it burns them - do you honestly think they will be eager to put it there again!!! precisely - not - as they learnt their lesson and dont want it to happen again. your friend needs to stand strong and leave the looser and if he threatens to kill himself well that is his problem and in all honesty if he wanted to kill himself he would of. he only threatens cos he wants his cake and to eat it and quite frankly if he loves two women if the one kicks him out surely he can run to the other!! she is allowing it to happen and she is cradling him at the same time make it so easy for him.

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