Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

How to handle this?

I have been going through a hectic time with my family. Im 20, independent &  have my life on the right track.There' s nothing i cant do 4 myself since i do have a good job &  my own car. My long time friend &  i have been dating for over a year now. We knew each other from school but were really good friends nothing more so to some it up, we got good knowledge on each other because as i said we been friends but now we are on the level of spending our lives together &  someday starting a family. My parents loved him to bits but bcoz he asked if we could spend more time together since we were only given 5 hours together &  it became a problem. They hate him now &  have judged him to be a very arrogant &  rude guy who will not give me a good life all b.coz of a simple question that didn' t mean any harm.The thing is, he asked me to marry him &  i have long waited this day, after i turned him down last year i thought he would never ask me again but he did &  i accepted. So we planing to get registered next weekend. His parents are so happy 4 us they cant control themselves but the problem is with my parents. They are not happy 4 me in whatever i do in my life &  they said that as long as he is in my life they want to play no part in anything. What should i tell them? They keep blaming me 4 all this &  they tell every1 that i caused them so much pain &  hurt &  it frustrates me coz i never did anything , i just feel like killing myself at times coz maybe if im dead they can live in peace &  have happiness again &  i wont be with my bf ill be gone. I think about it all the time but i think about my future with my bf &  the good life that we have together.

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Our expert says:
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Side-bar -- could people please try to think harder of nicknames to use ? Eithert an awful lot of people use "Anonymous", or there's one person there with a remarkably broad range of problems !
Now, A. Of course it's desirable that your family would like your bf and eventual spouse --- but it's not essential, and if you are indpendent, they don't HAVE to approve of him, and should be encouraged to respect your own views more than they do.
Why did you turn the poor guy down last year --- parental pressure ? Or was there some other problem as well ?
It's one thing for parents to not think your guy is the greatest man on earth --- that's a matter of taste, but really shouldn't be relevant. TO threaten to have nothing to do with you or your wedding sounds like a extreme attempt to manipulate you away from him. Do they really think he would be a disaster in your life ? Why ? This isn't disapproval, but hatred.
Some family cousneling sessions might help everyone to udnerstand each other better, but I suppose they wouldn't agree to this --- unless they saw it as a way in which you might be pressed into changing your mind.
Killing yourself shouldn't even be thought of as an option, and would hurt everyone, most of all you and your bf.
What stops you andf your bf independently going ahead and getting maried ? A family opposed to your happiness is not a family you'd miss much, and they might come round to appreciating your wishes when you have continued to become that independent

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/05/04

What exactly did he do to make your family hate him???

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Liza | 2009/05/04

Killing yourself is NOT going to make your parents feel any better. They will just find something else to be unhappy about - e.g. your selfishness in killing yourself. If they cannot be happy for you - leave them be. Stop contacting them and don' t let anything they do or say prevent you from the happiness that is rightfully yours. Tell them that unless they accept your choices in life, they will have no part of your life. Hopefully that will make them see the light. If it doesn' t help at first, it will help as they realise that you are not going to back down and keep on cutting them out of your life.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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