Our expert says:
Its really not fair for your children ( and the gf ) to remain at home as chronic parasites, contributing nothing and expecting you to pay for everything. Can they not work towards better paying jobs ? And can they not save more from their own earnings --- if they pay nothing for their accomodation and food, what DO they spend it on ?
If your daughter earns R 7000 a month, and is working most days --- how on earth does she manage to spend R 7000 each month without covering her own expenses ? Similarly for your son's R 3800. Beyond basic clothes ( high fashion is not needed ) there's no need for partying, smoking or drinking --- what are they spending this on ? The same for the son's gf. Between them, they're earning over R 14000 a month ! How CAN they waste all that money on themselves, and expect you to cover their basic living expenses ? Search the web and read up about Tough Love, as they'll ned it.
I agree with pay up. Your daughter needs to decide about whether to proceed towards maiage in this chronic relationship, or move on --- once married, she'd be better able to care for herself and not remain dependent on you. R 2500 a month sounds far too little, and what they pay ought to fully cover the expenses of hosting them, at the very least. And OF COURSE the gf must pay her share, and not continue to be a parasite. How can she spend all her income one week into the month ? Why bother about "embarrassing" them, when they don't care about embarrassing you or your husband. They SHOULD be embarrassed --- it'll be good for them.
Your husband is right --- their finances are THEIR problem, and not yours --- and if you had not been so very heavily subsidizing them for so long, they would have solved their financial problems by now. They DO have the money and appear to be wasting it at present. Go ahead and embarrass them --- it'll be very healthy to do so
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