Posted by: Ntombi | 2012/02/02

How to deal with his past that affects our relationhip

we have been together for 6 months now. He holds his emotions back. He says it is personal - basically it is his past experiences of relationships (with women, friends, family etc) that make him realise that being emotionally involved is a worst error anyone can commit. He also lost his dad that he was emotionally dependent on too. he is quick to cut you off if you do not match his interests, needs and expectations (emotionally and otherwise). He does not believe in therapy or i suspect confronting these fears (he fears that i may leave her, i am here to stay unless he leaves me).

How do i show him i love him and make him open up and lower his guards to welcome love and intimacy? I love him to bits! The past is ruining it! Help.

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Our expert says:
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You can't MAKE someone open up. Y're right that, from he sound of it, he would benefi from therap, but he wuld resist the idea. Men generally are muc less comfortable talking abou their emotions, and he, apparently for good rason, could be more so than most. He may not in fact be able to mainain a relatioship with you, but only time and patience will tell. He may well believe that people leave you if you trust or love them. Gentle and tactful atmpts to alk about his issue may gradually get somewhere.

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