Posted by: cody | 2008/10/07

how to cope with cheating

Over the weekend discovered that my husband for 6 years has been cheating on me with an older woman right under my nose. We spend weekends, holidays, together he never allows me much freedom yet the jurk knew what he was doing. For the past two months i could see some changes that when i decided to ask God to reveal what was happening and in no time he did. My husband forgot his phone and she called for the first time i did not pick it up i just left it there, then there was a message that came in. When it rang for the 3rd time i felt its urgent so i answered little did i know that it was her, when i answered she said where is my baby and called him by name I said he is not around may i take the message she went on and asked if i was his man PA and why am i answering the phone. I told he no im their maid then she asked me to ask my husband to call him urgently cause she will be in the area and wont leave until they see each other. I had a shock of my life I enquired what her name was she said just give him the number he will know very well who I am. I felt curious then i checked the message as well and found tons of lovey dovey message receive and responded. When my husband came in he was so furious looking for his phone, when he could not find it he started swearing. then i had to tell him that i had answered his phone and someone said i should give him the number and wants to see him before she leaves. He took the number and said who is this i dont know this number but i will call and ask what they want anyway. I felt such a rage that i decided to confont him about this because he knew exactly who that was and was playing dum with me. When i did he got angry and left. I had plans to go to the funeral so i went to the funeral came home in the afternoon he was not there till midnight. When he came in i did not want our son to hear the noise so i kept quiet. In the morning I demanded my car keys and went to take my other car that he has been using at his parents place when i did that thats he called to ask me why am i doing this can we talk I refused and asked my brother to take the car to my moms place. Later he called begging to explain and that he was so sorry that i had to find out about this. Wow i think he expected royal treatment which i could not give him. When i got home he was crying playing hurt and doing all sorts of thing. I just kept quite. Monday he wanted to take me to work and i refused. I wanted to be away from him, I was so hurt that i was crying all the way to the office but when i got there i wanted to hold my tears they kept on coming then i sat in the ladies for a while and told my self not to let this situation get the best of me. he called a dropped the phone, after work i went to fetch our son and headed home. I waited for my son to sleep then I asked him to tell me what really happened. Just the version of how it happened makes me sick cause he is not owning up to his mistakes he claims he met the woman at the club and they exchanged numbers but he did not call her she called him first. then they met by accident in town. then she called him then one sunday she called him to come over when i was at church he did they met at a house which he is not sure whether its her home or not, he doesnt remember what date it was when he got there she they had soft drinks then she touched her and he could see she wanted it then he asked for a condom then the had sex after that he realised he messed up and deleted her numbers in his phone. he refuses to give exact dates and claims it happened a long time ago. She started calling two months ago when i asked why he did not stop then he says he wanted to but was to busy. Can i realy forgive this kind of a man or just divorce him cause if he can sleep with someone he doenst know anything about that means he is reckless besided he is still playing me any advice from the forum will help apologies for the long book i have writen

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The evidence seems clear and his excues are utterly pathetic. I still wonder why cheaters keep the incriminating messages on their phone --- as trophies, maybe ? He was too busy to stop the affair, but not to busy to HAVE the affair ? He insults you by cheatibng, and then insults you again by expecting you to fall for these feeble excuses. He is indeed not only uncaring but reckless ( he may have exposed you to HIV and other diseases ).
Tell him you're not as stupid as he seems to think, and consult a good lawyer

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: V | 2008/10/08

but Klippies, what gives any person the right to play with somebody else' s life like that... Today - here i sit, dont even wanna go home, i feel so empty, feel like someone i loved deeply died.... what do you do next???

Reply to V
Posted by: Klippies | 2008/10/08

V I am so with you on this. I am still trying to find out how it gets from work related meetings to sex meetings. Was I again made this horrible husband and his wife, was she the worst ever? Most probably!!!

And yes, we must see that everything in the house is done, food made etc!! while they screw their lungs out!!!

the luck for me is that this man actually died and this is what caused this whole crappy thing going on in my life at the moment!!

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: V | 2008/10/07

Im also on the Titanic with you guys... The problem is that sex isnt sacred anymore, there is no more commitment, no morals. Everywhere you go there will be some available cheap tart to help out your man, and it boosts their ego. they dont care or think about the hurt they cause you. while you sit alone at home, heartbroken, degraded, humiliated, and confused, he is screwing somthing that is worth less than the zim dollar. will they ever get their day.....

Reply to V
Posted by: T- for you Cody | 2008/10/07

Hi Cody

Let me know if you want to talk some more, one on one (privately).. I feel like i can talk to you.. If yes can we get get in touch somehow?

Reply to T- for you Cody
Posted by: cody | 2008/10/07

Thanks guys

Klippies hoping you feel better, God is on your side

T much respect for you dearest u are strong

Reply to cody
Posted by: Klippies | 2008/10/07

I truly understand how you feel because I am in the same boat. only thing is that it was my wife that did this. for evry man to be unfaithfull there is also a woman involved!!!! I cannot give you any advise how to deal with it for I am empty inside!!! I am seeing my doctor tomorrow afternoon and hope I make it till then.

They cheat on us and you know what? We will be at fault and to blame for everything!!

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: Another T | 2008/10/07

He' s nothing but a liar and cheat. If you decide to stay, you may be applying for an HIV infection. If you stay you' ll be letting him know that he can get away with anything and that you' re worth nothing and he can walk all over you simply because you' re too comfoortable (?) to leave.

Reply to Another T
Posted by: T | 2008/10/07

Hi Cody

I know exactly what you mean and what you going thru right now coz the same thing happened to me not even less then a month ago. At this stage i' m still not sure what to do about the situation. I have two kids which makes it the more difficult, not that i use them as an excuse not to leave the SOB. I must say your hubby sounds exactly like mine, even though they know that they' ve been caught they still want to deny it... How stupid do they think we are??? Anyway, i have been seriously thinking about leaving him but still something is stopping me ( i don' t know what it is).
I hardly ever go out coz i watch the kids most of the time, and because he' s always out with his " friends"  like he says.
I' ve also decided to get out more meet people start having a social life.
I know your pain my friend, but be strong and you sound like you have the willpower and strenght to overcome whatever you decision.


Reply to T

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