Our expert says:
The orgasm in women is not as reliable as it is in men. This means that many women do not experience an orgasm every time they have sex. There is no reason why this is necessarily problematic other than high (and possibly unrealistic) expectations you (and your partner) place on yourself. One of the main factors getting in the way of orgasm for women is their head: they are either chasing the orgasm, or thinking about something else, or are too shy to do/ask for what they really enjoy.
There are several ways that you could try to increase the likelihood of experiencing orgasm.
(1) make sure that you are not focusing too hard on reaching it; this is only going to make it more difficult because you are actually not focusing on what you are feeling but rather 'watching' it and 'trying too hard'.
(2) you may also find that you could enhance arousal by using a good lubricant, using fantasy, and experimenting with clitoral stimulation (with or without a sex toy/vibrator - sex toys are helpful but not essential).
(3) most important is to be able to focus on your sensations and really notice what you are feeling in your vulval area/vagina and give feedback to your partner that helps him know what to do to enhance the sensation.
(4) it would also help you and your partner to place less emphasis on the need for orgasm as this simply puts too much pressure on you.
Claire - SASHA
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