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Question
Posted by: Hopeful | 2004/11/01

how to begin

After a lot of tearful apologies, talks done and concluded, new promises made, forgiveness given over his cheating.. lying.. painful things he did...

What does a women have to do, say, think, give, take or feel to help her trust him fully again(because I really want to)... to feel him completely again(because I love him) .... and to say "he is mine I am his" again.

Currently he sacrifices and does a lot to help us be happy again and to forget the past and start our lives afresh... I feel I am pushing us behind because I don't trust him enough or am not at a fast enough pace to help me trust him fully again.

Doc and everyone... please help this women ? ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gee, Hopeful, I've discussed this Trust issue so often I find it really difficult to find something fresh to say, and you can check in the Archive to see what I"ve said before. Trust needs to be based on what he DOES, rather than what he SAYS ( saying is too easy ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: ec | 2004/11/02

I like your 'name' : 'Hopeful'... and do you know I think as humans that is all we can be? Hopeful!! We are, after all, only human and we all make mistakes and having gone through the same as you all I can say is : remember: the point of power is in the moment. Take things moment by moment and assure yourself constantly of your worth as a woman; do positive affirmations, just know that at some point the feelings you want to feel will be back providing you put the past where it belongs : in the past! CS is right - not what he says but what he does is important.
Take care and all the best.

Reply to ec
Posted by: Trish | 2004/11/01

Dear Hopeful, it takes alot of time to get over being hurt in such a bad way. I don't think trust is the issue but rather insecurity from your side. I blamed myself when he cheated, thought why didn't I see what was going on and I'm still dealing with insecurity on a daily basis. You have to believe in yourself before you can start believing in him again. We aren't designed to be perfect and sometimes mistakes do happen. The fact that he is still around and is trying is best is an excellent sign. Have faith that he wants to make amends and wants to be with you and feel happy about it. It might ease your troubles

Reply to Trish
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi H,

I think you referring to your trust in him being lost? If this is the case then I think you should know that even though it takes one instant to break trust, it takes a while to re-build it.
With your combined commitment this can be achieved though. You are entitled to feel the way you do, & I think you are right in questioning his where-abouts & doings. His reponses will determine your comfort in believing him. Do not try to interrogate though, as you would undoubtedly get an unfavourable response.

It's gonna be hard work, but it can be done H. The commitment has to come from you both, & if you agree, then I don't think you should allow what-ever it is that happened to hang-over your heads like a guillotine thats waiting to be released. How you treat each other, & respond to each other, will determine whether that guillotine gets tightened more firmly, or slowly be released.

Remember though, once you get through this, it will definitely make you stronger as a couple.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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