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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/27

How to become more motivated

Hi CS and others,
I am extremely demotivated, don't want to work and can't even start with the little things -- I just don't want to be here and cannot explain it, I used to live for my work and was full of ideas, but now just want to go home and do nothing. Why is this?

All I do lately is everything I shouldn't, eat too much, drink too much (still can't seem to stop - was at friends, bottlestore was closed but we found a way to get more wine, we finished two bottles between two women and then went over to a 2lt, we didn't finish it though, but had some.) I naturally had a memory lapse and the ex kept trying to phone me and this hurts the bf, don't recall anything but apparently am very bitchy to him, the bf.

I am scaring myself as I know I need to get some sort of control and have to stop the alcohol but not succeeding. There doesn't seem to be a way out for me in the situation I find myself in and it really feels simpler to just give up. At this point want to sell everything I have and run away from everyone and everything, including my work, the bf, my child and I don't understand this. Feeling completely desparate (excuse spelling).

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I do know, BT< that the more one contemplates work, the more boring or intimindating it becomes, whereas if one simplt starts without too much thinking about it, one can often get caught up in it and soar off. But havn't you really answered your own question, as regards the cause of this and other problems ? After over a bottle of wine, none of us feel motivated the next say, and it increases anyone's depression, as well. You clearly need to find and stick to non-drinking friends, don't you ? It's one of the hardest aspects to giving up unhelpful booze, to avoid friends who always drink with you, situations in which you always drink, and so on.
The two of you WERE highly motivated to drink, and managed to show perseverance and ingenuity when it came to finding more to drink. Stop selecting"Give UP' as the most tempting available choice. Work on this with your shrink, and admit all the drinking problems. Join AA, take every step that is available and provides support for the resolve you have shown at times this year ( and remember how much better you felt when you did do the right things, of which you are fully capable ). And get CBT to break out of that fortress of negativity you have built for yourself.
You've had brilliant responses from others here, like CHelle, and straycat. Well done to have identified the nearest AA group. Don't try to go to it --- GO to it. And een if you feel uneasy and unsure about whether it can help you, PERSIST in going for 6 months before deciding whether it's helpful or not. There are no possible or even imaginable consequences to stopping drinking that could be worse than the consequences of continuing drinking.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Straycat | 2004/10/27

I used to have a drinking problem... After work..Go watch a movie instead of going to the bottlestore.. Exercise... find other distractions.. Go walking... Walk on the beach... (if you are near the beach) Alcohol like Chelle ses, will definately be a downer.. and demotivator................ Some of the best things in life are free.. very cliched ', I know but true...

God Bless

Reply to Straycat
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/27

Good for you. Please do it - for yourself and everyone you care about. You can go to the meeting and not say a word. Take someone with you if you need to. Someone who will make you stay for the whole session, and someone who will make sure you go the following week as well.
Make the commitment to yourself, and take it one day at a time.
You said above in response to Lulu's post that you are afraid of the consequences of getting help to stop drinking.

I think the consequences of not getting help to stop drinking are far worse.

I wish you the best BT.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/27

Okay, Okay, you are right of course. I have found out, the meetings are on a Tuesday evening at a church close to me, so I will make the effort to go to the next one and will discuss the problem with the psychologist. My psychiatrist told my sister as well that I need/must stop - I will go.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/27

BT - The signs you are displaying - the lack of motivation and the depression are made worse by your drinking. If you continue to believe that you can't stop the drinking, you will continue to be depressed.
You keep asking the same questions, and keep getting constructive advice from people here, but I wonder if you're taking any of the advice or just using this place to express your feelings (which is fine).
Your specific question today is "How to become more motivated?" and my answer to that is first and foremost - Stop drinking! Drinking the amounts you do, result in depression. You are the only one who can stop this - and you can't do it alone. Join AA if you are truly serious about giving it up. You are now in a cycle of despair, and drinking gives temporary relief. It does not resolve the problem.
you are waiting for a knight in shining armour to rescue you, and there is no such thing. YOU have to make the effort.
I know you have been trying to do things, but you keep looking outwardly for answers and continue to behave in a self destructive manner. Of course you need to tell your shrink what's going on, but for now, the only thing I think that can start to make a difference in your life is to stop the alcohol.
It's not easy, but take the steps one at a time.

Make the phone call to AA to find out where the meetings are and the times TODAY!! And then come back and tell us when you are going.

I think the alcohol abuse is a non negotiable in your quest to feel better and more motivated about your life.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/27

Scared of consequences.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/27

And still you refuse to get treatment for your drinking problem...

Reply to lulu

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