Posted by: Lonestar | 2008/10/15

How to?

Hi CS,

Been a while and hope that you' re doing well. Still around just hectically busy.

CS, two years down the line and I' m finally realising that our marriage is in serious trouble (after several attempts to save it). Having said that I don' t just want to file for a divorce as yet...I personally feel that a seperation and time to reflect on issues would be a better idea especially with kids involved.

To put it lightly we' ve been living seperate lives for a while now. Last night was the last straw to break the camels back...I can' t take the emotional strain anymore, I was about to OD, when I stopped and thought to myself that I will not give him that satisfaction...

How do I tell him that I want to seperate for a while??
I' m scared he is going to freak out and deny (as always) that there are any problems at all.

Your advice will be greatly appreciated!!


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Our expert says:
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Very nice to ehar from you again, Lonestar. Separation and reflection is often functional and useful. Congratulations on refusing the idea of OD. Its not clear from your message whether the attempts to save the marriage (a) involved expert help from a marriage counsellor, or (b) whether you were both sincerely working towards this aim, or the effort was one-sided. Marriage counselling would be a good idea, within which a plan like some separation and reflection could be hatched and adopted jointly. Otherwise, what option nis there but to gently tell him what you want, at a time as far as possible removed from a crisis or argument

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