Posted by: confused | 2009/02/20

how important is an emotional conecction

I got married when i was 19, 13 years, 3 kids later, and i find myself unhappy. I know your happiness is not someone elses responsibility. I have excactly what i had married. Integrety, honesty, loyal and hardworking. I have the best husband in the world. And yet, i do not feel conected to him. He loves me more than words can say, but i am not sure i can say the same thing. I love him like a brother, i wish him no harm and would want him to have the best life can offer. We discussed it before, and he feels that i got married to young and that his happiness lies with me, and i just need time to sort myself out. All the basics are there, security, good homelife, it is just mentaly and spiritualy there is no conection from my side. He realy works hard on the marrage. My question is, should i leave and give both of us a second chance or am i just being ungrateful? My reasoning for not leaving is there is kids involved and he is happy, he does not want anyone else. Should i then hurt 4 people just to make one happy?

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Our expert says:
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Actually, I think you are, amongst other things, commenting on a problem that can arise when marrying or entering a long-term relationship, young--- there's an amount of living and growing one may not have completed, and one may miss some of this. PErsonal, individual counselling, and marriage counselling may help you both to enhance this relationship, with benefits for all of you. Leaving without trying this would not be fair to any of you, and, if you leave without necessary lessons learned with the aid of a counsellor, this is unlikely to lead to a usefully second chance for either of you. And don' assume it will somehow make you happy --- unless you clarify what you need and how to get it, and conclude with proper expert advice that you cannot, even after trying in fruitful ways, to get it within the mariage, you're unlikely to just spontaneously find it outside the marriage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Help please | 2009/02/20


Please, please don' t leave without trying to fix, (I also married far too young), I did, and when I realised I had made the most horrible mistake ever, and came back, luckily my hby feels as I do and we love each other,but the hurt had been inflicted and the results thereof are not nice. I have lost a great deal emotionally and the likelihood of retrieving that ever is not good either. We are trying, but I will forever live with teh guilt of doing what I did and it is not right. Please, please think very hard and very carefully, it is in you to stay, talk to someone, or write a book, whatever, FIRST TRY.

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