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Question
Posted by: OK | 2007/08/23

How fair is it

Can someone advise me, I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy, I only have one concern, about a few week ago we were talking about supporting each other as partners, and then the issue of studying came up. He says that when he is studying for exams, he doesn't expect me to go out with my girlfriends or even my family, like to parties or to a night club, because if i was studying he wouldn't do it. He says that if I did it then it means I am not supporting him in his studies and I don't care about our future plans, because while he is studying and preparing for our financial security, then I am partying it means I don't care.

I dont agree with this because I am also studying and wether he goes out or not while I am preparing for studies it does not bother me. For me this gives me time to actually concentrates and study more without him thinking that I am not paying any attention to him. We are not living together yet. Is this right???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely it ought to be a question of what each of you would genuinely NEED from each other such as during studying, rather than a crude tit for tat principle, that said that if he couldn't go out with friends, neither should you. That sounds very petty. I agree with Cherrypie --- and as you don't live together, he wants to control what you do even when away from him and out of sight ? I'd hear relationship warning bells there

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Our users say:
Posted by: OK | 2007/08/23

Thanks Cherrypie, I will speak to him about it again...

Reply to OK
Posted by: Cherrypie | 2007/08/23

Hi there
I don't think it's fair at all. You should each have your own life, to do what you like and enjoy and to be 'free', but committed to one another. He is manipulating you into doing something you don't want to. Maybe he doesn't trust you enough to let you go out without him, maybe he sits and worries about you when you're out, and when he's studying, that influences his work. Talk to him! Ask him why it is that he doesn't want you to go out on your own.
My personal opinion is that you should put your foot down - if he is not ready to compromise, and to understand, maybe he is not ready for a relationship. You need your individuality, you need your freedon. And you can have all that and still be in a stable, loving relationship. If you can't have that, and demands are being made all the time, maybe you should re-consider your choices and why you are with this guy.
I hope you can sort this out!
Take care!

Reply to Cherrypie

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