Posted by: prilly | 2004/11/30

how does one handle this

Hi all,

I am working full time, but want to start working weekends to start my own company. One of the works client also is starting something else. He then asked me to give him my cv so he can see what I can do. He phoned me last week and said that he is interested in me working for him. Yesterday he came to see me to outline the duties he wants me to perform. Then out of the blue he tells me that he is very attracted to me and wants to have an affair with me. He said he knows we are both married, but he cannot help his feelings.

I do not want to do this. My problem is that i have a very soft heart and hate to hurt people. How do I tell him no without hurting him? and how do I work with him? i mean, will it not be uncomfortable, and will he not try his luck eventually?

Please help

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Our expert says:
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Frankly, I wouldn't trust him at all, as a pal or as a business partner. He is married, and wants you, a married woman to have an affair with him ? And didn't he probably use the excuse of offering you the job, to further his plans for an affair ? And when the affair is over, the job's over ? And what of your plans for your own business ?
Why on earth worry about hurting him ?: Just say NO. If an explanation is needed, say that you'[re happilly maried and don't want any affair, and that you really need to go on with your own plans for your own business venture. Why would you want to work with him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/30

This guy has no moral ethics and likewise he probably has no business etics. Stay clear of him - you will loose your job, self respect and your husband in the long run.

He is only interested in an affair with you - the job offer is just a cover to set you up for an affair. He is unscrupulous - an a**hole and you should not mix with such people. Don't worry about his feelings - he feels nothing for your husband's or his wife's feelings. You cannot hurt this type of man.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/30

He can only try his luck as far as you allow.
Prilly, you sound successful and gorgeous, so now try adding ASSERTIVE to that as well.
Not aggressive and rude, just firm and clear.

Say to him, of your 2 offers, I will take you up on the business opportunity, however, the latter I will decline because I am simply still in love with my husband - you see that's why I married him in the first place. In terms of Love, I choose my amazing husband, in terms of a BUSINESS opportunity, for that you viable - but nothing more.

And then end off with something like, "I will promise not to take offense to your extramarital suggestion, as long as you promise never to mention it again". Make it CLEAR that you will not have an affair with him, and then forget it, like it never even happend (easy to say, huh?)

If he mentions it ever again, just say that you are now beginning to get offended and you are concerned that if he cannot stick to his promises in business (like he obviously cannot stick to his matrimonial vows) then a business relationship with him will no longer be a viable option either. And there are other fish in the sea with regards to that - actual business people, not practicing pimps.

Else, take the reality bite and tell him NO THANKS to both. You don't deal scum. Final.

Whoa, he sounds like a true asshole. Frankly, in a perfect world, I'd've loved to have slapped him silly and send his wife a gift for Christmas... a voucher for a private detective!

Reply to HS

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